Swing Parade

A Review by Nick Peron

When you're somebody that is a house hold name in the entertainment business, there is always a big steaming pile that has your name tacked on it. It's no surprise that the Three Stooges have been in some awful movies. I know what you're saying "It's the Three Stooges! What do you expect?" And while you make a valid point, it does not excuse the pile of garbage that is Swing Parade, AKA Swing Parade 1946.

Swing Parade, made in 1946, was one of those movies that (I assume) was supposed to be the spring board a number budding entertainers into stardom that was common with the movies of the time. You know the kind of movie I'm talking about here right? The type that features a bunch of young actors that you've never heard of or saw again since that movie (unless you're a real film buff and waste away your life watching old movie after old movie and know all these people by facial recognition) the kind of movie that features more musical acts and dance troupes than actual actors? This is the kind of movie Swing Parade is.

And if the alternate title and tage line "Your Pleasure for 1946 and All-Time!" (which kind of sounds like some disturbing condom advertsing slogan) this was probably going to be but one movie in a yearly series or some such nonsense, so it's a good thing things didn't get that dire. I mean, the director must have been an idiot or something trying to promote these acts with a movie each year. Why on Earth would people go to the theater and pay money to watch people sing when they could listen to them on the radio for free?

Anyway, thrown in the mix were the Three Stooges, who I suppose were the big ticket headliners that they got into the movie to fill theater seats when this thing came out. Which I have to admit, would have probably sold me, I love the Stooges, and they're the only thing that makes this movie even bareable to watch. How can I describe how disappointing this movie is? Well okay, picture your favorite comedian being in a movie and all the advertisements headline him as the big star, then you get into the theater and you realize that, oop, that comedian is not really the main character of the film and they've been reduced to being a bit character to provide comic relefe in a movie that's dull and boring. That's what this movie. In fact, I bet this movie is the prototype of that kind of movie. All the movies that feature Ben Stiller in a starring role that lasts about 15 minutes? That Adam Sandler movie that they plugged as yet another unfunny Adam Sandler movie that turned out to be some horrible attempt of a urban crime drama? They all used this movie as a blue print.

Because in spite of the fact that the movie boasts the inclusion of the Three Stooges in the cast they are not the main characters, and they fill about a good 20 minutes of screen time. Tops.

The movie instead focuses on a girl who can't pay her rent and has to go out and get a real job while longing to become a singer and make it big in show biz. She gets a job as a process server and when she attempts to deliver a notice to shut down a night club she ends up singing for them and getting the job instead. So between this, the girl falling in love with the club owner, and a subplot involving the club owners father (who works at city hall) trying to get his sons nightclub shut down (thanks a lot dad, you asshole) the rest of the movie is filled with scene after scene of musical numbers.

You know those over produced, yet dull, boring, musical numbers common to movies in the 1940's? You know the ones that all sound the same, and the catterwalling of the female singers cuts through your brain like a fucking knife cutting a screaming pound of butter? Yeah those kind of musical numbers. Oh and if you didn't think that was boring enough, they manage to make it even more boring because one of the singers is Connee Boswell. Who the hell is Connee Boswell? She was one of the Boswell Sisters who got their claim to fame in the 1930's. Why does her inclusion make things more boring? Because she suffered from Polio at a young age and was confined to her wheelchair her whole life. So since we're in the prim and proper 1940's they have her just sitting on a park bench in big flowing dresses or acting as a singing masthead of a sailing ship singing. So here was have a singer sitting completely still on a bench singing at the top of her lungs for a good five minute periods, and the camera hardly changes angles. And she just sits there. Not moving. Stitting straight up. With proper posture. Singing. This my friends is what an eternity in hell is probably going to be for me when I finally croak.

The only breaks you get from these moments are the merciful Three Stooges routines which are passingly funny, certainly not their A-list material, and some of it seems a little forced, but at least it's a plesant break from all the non-sense that's about sixty years out of date.

And most disappointing at all, there are no parades in this movie.

So why even watch this movie? That's a good question. I think the only reason somebody should subject themselves to this movie is if they get the remastered and colorised version of this film released by Legend Films and Rifftrax. Why is that? Because if you've been living in a cave for the past few years and don't know what Rifftrax is, then you should know that it is the most recent project by Mystery Science Theater 3000's Mike Nelson. So this release has a DVD commentary track that features riffs by Mike Nelson himself. While not his funniest material, it still makes the this movie enjoyable to watch. So check it out if that.

Last I checked, the Mike Nelson commentary track version of Swing Parade is only available through Rifftrax's official website . Also check out the Rifftrax website, they have other movies available on DVD that have Mike Nelson commentary tracks, and you can also buy MP3 audio files that are "Commentary tracks" to popular movies which feature Mike Nelson (usually joined by fellow MST3K alumnai Bill Corbet and Kevin Murphy, but also feature other celebrity guests.) which you synch up with the movie (and if that's too much effort for you, they also have a nifty program you can download onto your computer so that if you own the DVD and bought the Rifftrax file it'll do all the work for you.) Certainly worth checking out.