Exhausted: The John Holms Story

A Bootleg Review By Michael O'May

I think I could write a million bootleg reviews if I had the time. I have hundreds of the fuckers sitting around my house that I have been hording sense I was 15. No idea why I just like them. I recently got a stack of DVD’s from my boys at Shocking Videos and there wasn’t a turd in the bunch.

Exhausted: The John Holmes story

  First of all let me start by saying I don’t really buy porn. It’s on the internet for free and I can never come to terms paying 60bucks for a 2 hr DVD, but this is an exception to the rule. Why? Because it’s John fucking Holmes

  This is the movie Boogie Nights is based on. As a huge Boogie fan I had to check it out and compare notes and let me be the first to say wow. It’s all there. All of the fake filmed elements of Boogie nights were inspired (I’m assuming) from this film (if you can call it that).

  John Holmes is full of shit. Fuck just about everyone you meet in this pseudo documentary is lying about something. But I can’t blame him, he was an ugly as sin hillbilly with a cock like a baby leg who had a chance to reinvent himself. Good for him. It’s a product of the times I thinks, everyone had to live that lie because the truth of their existence was still to hard to bare. So you get a movie with people who are paid to fuck and have spent a good deal of time drugged up trying to find a rationalization for what they do, some self worth in it all. But there is none to be found so you have no choice but to lie. John Holmes does this like a master.

  You basically get 90 minutes of John lying on the fly and making up some pretty creative shit. Like did you know he graduated from college with something like a sports medicine degree? He blocks his own scenes. He is a master of sensuality. He never uses drugs. And he goes on and only to be interrupted with hilarious Johnny Wadd clips, on the street interviews with old ladies and scenes of his monster wang to tearing women apart. The Johnny Wadd clips are gold and Boogie nights wasn’t exaggerating when they painted them hilariously bad. I swear every actor looks into the camera, the acting is horrible like the actors are reading the lines off queue cards and the bits of plot you see are insane. It seems like if you make an attempt on Johnny Wadd’s life or have some information he needs, he is going to fuck you to death. My favorite clip though has to be an assassin who sprinkles poison on her pussy to kill Johnny Wadd when he goes down on her. Seriously who wrote that shit?

  This movie is a must for Boogie Nights fans and it’s a shame it’s not at least shown slightly in the DVD extras. I also recommend it just on a curiosity level. John Holmes, love him or hate him is an interesting character, you can see first hand the strange path having a big dick will lead you. This flick has aged just right to give it a good amount of movie cheese, and I recommend it.

3 out of 5 Z’Dars

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