Top 50 Toys that Need to be Made (Part 1 in a series)

An article by Michael O'May

This is something I hope will turn out fun and is my first honest attempt at blatantly ripping CHUD.Com off with one of their many lists but this is done with a twist only I could come up with (I hope)

Some might not know this but I’m a huge action figure collector so you can understand how much I love it when cult movie characters get action figures, it’s like the best of both worlds for me.

 The world of movie collectables is in a pretty sad state right now. 5 years ago there were dozens of companies making any movie character they could get there hands on. The collectable toy market seemingly had no bottom but over night oil costs combined with 90% of the brick and mortar stores moving away from figures killed one company after another. Now we are pretty much left with 3 surviving companies willing to take the risk on movie related collectables. Neca, Mezco, and Sota (and chances are you may never see anything from Sota). While in the past taking on a b level character or property was a sound business move now it’s rare if anything moves beyond top tier characters like Freddy and Jason. Well as a fan I say Bullshit! The well is no where near dry and I’m going to prove it.

I’m going to pretend Micro-Shock has its own toy company and we are going to let you know the top 50 cult movie character that need some figures dam it.

The following list is pure fantasy we do not claim these toys will ever come out and we defiantly don’t own our own toy company, this is just for fun.

#50- Reggie Banister:

Who is he?-  Reggie is the guitar strumming, ice cream selling, balding, pipe laying, dwarf killer from Phantasm that takes the stupidest things on paper and makes them extremely cool.

Why do we need him? - Because he’s fucking Reggie that’s why. You can’t give us the Tall man and never give us his foil in Reggie.

What we would make- Reggie circa Phantasm 2 with 4 barrel shot gun, Mars base, and some canisters full of slimy dwarves.

*Special Micro-Shock.com ice cream suit variant.

#49- Farmer Vincent:

Who is he? - The chainsaw wielding beef jerky king that uses all natural ingredients from Motel Hell.

Why do we need him?- Because farmer Vincent wearing his pig’s head mask with chainsaw is one of the most enduring images of late 70, early 80’s horror and that would look fucking cool on my shelf.

What we would make- Farmer Vincent in his iconic pig mask with chainsaw, garden with human heads for a base and a sticker on the package that says “No Preservatives!”

#48- Bride of the Re-Animator

Who is she? – Herbert West’s failed attempt at creating woman from Bride of Re-Animator

Why do we need her? – Because she looks so fucking cool. I mean really who wouldn’t want a bloody monstrosity that remotely resembles a hot naked chick.

What we would make- The bride of course, with cheese cloth dressing and limbs you can pop off to re enact her horrible final moments.

#47- Rawhead Rex

Who is he? – Some sort of strange pagan demon thing that runs around Ireland pissing on things and killing anyone who gets in his way.

Why do we need him? – Well most will admit the movie sucked all sorts of ass but they will also admit Rawhead looked really fucking cool, which is all I need to justify a figure.

What we would make- Rawhead with light up red eyes and a grassy Irish base (covered in blood)

#46-Guitar Wolf box set

Who are they?-  The Japanese garage punk band that look strangely like the Ramones but sound like Dr. Teeth’s band from the Muppet show.  They show up where ever zombies gather and scream “ROCK AND ROLL” before kicking some ass.

Why do we need them? - Because Japan doesn’t get enough love for its cult heroes beyond Godzilla stateside. Because they are a kick ass bad in a kick ass movie that just happens to kick ass.

What we would make- The band dumb ass. Guitar wolf, Bass wolf and Drum wolf all in iconic poses with their instruments ready to kill some zombies. A button on the base will have them scream ROCK AND ROLL and shot a little guitar pick at your face when pushed.

#45- Dr. Logan:

Who is he?- Well as you can imagine me including a Day of the dead character means I’m going to be getting to tons of other day of the dead characters. Yeah so sue me, it’s an amazing film. Dr. Logan is Romero’s version of Dr. Frankenstein, a character you can’t blame him for playing with.

Why do we need him? -  Because well beyond all the amazing Savini zombies there really aren’t too many iconic humans in the film, except for the good Doctor and maybe someone else. That and besides I’d hate to make Bub and not his straight man Dr. Logan.

What we would make- The doctor covered in blood with an elaborate base. A wall section that connects to the eventual Bub figures base and a zombie on an operating table complete with spill out guts.

*Special Micro-Shock exclusive exposed brain zombie and bullet riddled Logan variant.

#44- The Crites

What the fuck is a Crite? - It’s a critter from the timeless classic “Critters” duh. You know those evil space porcupines that terrorize a retarded janitor and Leonardo Dicaprio movie after movie.

Why do we need them? - This is a hard case for me but my soul feels a little empty without them in plastic. Somewhere in my collection I need a small army of the little bastards to harass my mild mannered figures like Rocky.

What would we make- A pack of 6 Critters, including an egg and the bald one from part 4 to wreak some havoc in your collection, these still have fans don’t they?

#43 – The Revenge of the Nerds box set.

Who are they? - The 80’s heroes who made it ok to be a geek and the closest thing I have ever had to role models.

Why do we need them? - See above

What we would make- Louis Skolnick and Dudley “Booger” Dawson (wearing a who farted? t-shirt) with a talking base with the only two sound bites you need. Louis’s trade mark laugh and Booger screaming “We got bush!”

#42- The They Live aliens

Who are they? - Evil space republicans that brainwash an alternate reality in John Carpenter’s timeless classic They Live. They use satellite rays to hide there disgusting visages from an unknowing public.

Why do we need them? – Because there is something ironic about a movie that warns us of the evils of consumerism getting an action figure.

What we would make- A simple exposed alien holding his watch to his mouth to warn the others you can see them, separate parts will be made like different arms, and heads so the combination of parts in figures means for several figures you can troop build. The packaging will be simple in black and white with the words “Consume” stamped on the front.

#41- Sgt Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.

Who is he? – The bane of Lloyd Kaufman’s existence. A New York City copy that is turned into a Japanese super hero, he loves things like heat seeking chopsticks and killer sushi. His movie lost lots of money now he has become the perennial drunken gay joke of TROMA. 

Why we need him? – Because we already got an amazing Toxic Avenger figure from SOTA we have to have his tromatic counterpart, he would come with some empties and maybe a boy whore to keep the gay joke going.

Go Back