The Works of Tim Kreider: "The Pain: When Will It End?" & "Why Do They Kill Me?"

A Review by Nick Peron

There once was a time when the only place where I could get my fix of comic books was this shitty shopping-mall hobby shop which mostly specialized in selling sports memorabilia, and the only reason they regularly carried comic books was because there was money to be had by all the nerdy, scared, suburbanites that were too socially inept to travel into the city to buy their comic books.

Now while my taste in graphic story-telling is just about as pedestrian as most readers (The last "Indie" book I picked up and read was The Supermarket published by IDW before I gave up buying the monthlies all togeather) I still have a knack for wanting to read something outside of the super-hero genre. Because God damn it, sometimes reading stories about anatomically correct super-heroes who have about 40 years of convoluted back story just don't do it for me all the time.

One day, I told the owner that I would be very much interested if he were to order some of the more obscure stuff that is offered in the Previews magazine where he gets his supply from. He decided this was a good idea and would order in stuff that was out of the norm and see if I would buy it. In 98% of cases, these finds were all duds. Apparently "out-side-of-the-norm" for a comic book shop owner is whatever Neo-Gothic gloomy pap that Slave Labour Graphics was pumping out, or pathetic attempts at humor that try to hard to make the offensive funny. I don't know how many times I was offered books that were apparently "funny" because they included red necks, religion, fart jokes or nudity as a sell point. The amount was staggering, just like any independant vein of any medium, there was a lot of horse shit that ended up going to press that it would make finding something good, something of substance that much more difficult to find. But, sometimes, sometimes, you do come across something that truly is a gem.

Getting back to my narrative, one day I walked into the shop and the owner goes "I think I found something for you." and goes digging in his drawer of subscriptions. He pulls out a book that he's put aside for me and hands it to me with the back cover facing front. It's adorned with a picture of a quaint old man sitting in a rocking chair, holding a pipe. He appears to be telling a story. In the word bubble there are no words, just the picture of a bare human ass with a carrot sticking out of it.

Okay, that's amusing, I admit, but I had my doubts about this. I mean, this is a guy who just the week before tried to sell me a book who's writer thought sodomy was the height of comedy, what the hell was this going to be about? I flip it over and read the cover: The Pain: When Will It End? Cartoons by Tim Kreider. The cover features the picture of a man holding the branch of a tree that is dangling over a cliff that drops into shark infested water. The man while grasping the branch for dear life with one hand, is at the same time maniacally sawing this arm off with a hack-saw.

"Well....." I thought to myself "The cover is pretty amusing.... But..." I was caught at a cross-roads. At the worst it could be some poor attempt at levity that would be akin to putting shit jokes in Family Circus, or it could actually be something funny. Well it was a slow week, considering one of the companies who's books I regularly purchased had just gone bankrupt (which proves the theory that an independent publisher that banks most of their success on gaining the rights to commercial properties without previously establishing themselves is probably going to fall flat on it's ass.. But I digress.) so I decided to buy this Pain book. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

In hindsight, I'm glad I picked this book up, because now I am hooked, and I don't even know where to begin praising Mr. Kreider for his hilarious insight and commentary on any number of topics ranging from sexual relations, politics, his excessive knowledge of Star Wars, or looking after his beloved cat. I have become a constant visitor to his website (http://www.thepaincomics.com) and I own both of his books: The Pain: When Will it End? and Why Do They Kill Me?

The Pain: When Will It End?

The Pain is a collection of cartoons that comment on many different topics, ranging from the sexes, politics, red-necks, and the almost sad and pathetic dark underbelly of American society. All that and a little bit of fun tossed in for good measure. It's hard for me to talk in a general sense on how brilliant this collected volume is, but give me a moment to identify five of my favorite cartoons from this book, and hopefully you'll agree with me that it's fucking brilliant stuff.

5.) "I'm Sorry I'm So Horrible!"

Picture this: A fancy dinner setting, between a horrible monster in a suit flapping his webbed hands knocking over his glass while an attractive woman on the other side eyes shut and teeth clamped, some near by diners are looking on. The creature is screaming "I'm Sorry I'm So Horrible!" while all the girl can say is "Please! Please!"

Those two words in and of themselves, and the conveying image you can almost hear the slightly embarrassed yet repressed demands of "please" to the monster that she not be embarrassed while out on a diner date.

4.) "Learn German While Drunk!"

In this cartoon we see a man slumped over a table, listening to a learn how to speak German through a portable walkman, he's been drinking excessively. The tape asks him to say "Where are my pants" in German, in which he gets wrong, when he's told the right answer he mutters an "Ah, Fuck!" like any drunk trying to do something which they can't do properly in their inebriated state. I can relate to this guy you know, playing Super Mario Brothers when loaded is not as easy as it looks.

3.) "If We Had X-Ray Vision, We Would All Go Insane."

This is a great one: A guy with X-Ray vision is looking into somebody's house and sees a guy fucking a Taco. The cartoon even zooms in so you can see the guys meat pounding through the taco meat. The best thing about this is how fucking true it is. Sure, if everyone was granted X-ray vision, at first everyone would be all worried about what other people would see. But then all the furries, taco-fuckers, and shit eaters of the world are either just going to stop caring or start getting back into the habit for the sole purpose of creeping you the fuck out. And those of us who are normal? Shit, we won't be able to help ourselves, the temptation to see what sort of sick shit that Old lady Ethel down the road does when nobody is looking is FAR to tempting to just ignore. We would all go insane. Or as an alternative, finally come to terms with the fact that, when you boil us down, everybody is a sick freak.

2.) "Kasparov Vs. Gravedigger!"

This one is pretty self evident. On one side we see Kasparov (the chess champion) cowering at what's charging towards him: Gravedigger (the monster truck.) There isn't really much more to this cartoon than the absurd pairing and comment "vs" match titling of both chess and monster truck rallies. I love this one.

1.) "Male Anorexia"

In this cartoon which makes number one in my list of favorites in this book we see a fat, balding man with a bad comb over. On top of this he's got a really hairy body and a five o'clock shadow. He's wearing nothing but a towel around himself, and is looking into a mirror. Pointing into it with a big grin on his face he's thinking "Hey... Lookin' Good." When one has to contrast how men and women view themselves, I find this cartoon very funny, because in a nut shell this is me in another 15 to 20 years. I'm going to be a fat, hairy, disgusting slob, but damn am I going to still think I'm sexy. Male anorexia is going to kick so much ass.

That about sums up my favorites in Tim Kreider's first book, now let's take a look at his second:

Why Do They Kill Me?:

Even if you're slightly retarded, I think it's hard for anybody to miss the fact that the primary focus of this book is Mr. Kreider's commentary of the Bush Administration, the current atmosphere of US and international politics, terrorism, and it's effect on American culture. A lot of the work identifies a lot of Mr. Kreider's disgust, shock, and downright disappointment with a lot of the things that have been happening over the eight year course of the Bush administration. While attempting to maintain some modicum of (all be it dark) humor, Mr. Kreider's personal feeling (ranging between anything from incredulity, to disgust, to depressed) leaps out. Included with most of the pieces included in this book are his comments and inspirations for the cartoons in question, shedding some light on the motivations behind each one. For a more serious subject matter than his usual commentary, I think this a great addition to this volume. I would like to present to you now, my five favorite cartoons in this book:

5.) "Well, Well, Well...."

The cartoon shows a (somehow smug looking) Empire State Building watching the World Trade Center crumble to the ground. The Empire State Building is thinking "Well, Well, Well..." For all those who paid attention in history class (I didn't, but then again I live in Canada and Canadian history is down right boring) the Empire State Building was the worlds tallest building (and the tallest in New York) until it was relinquished of that title when the completed building the World Trade Center in 1972. When the WTC was destroyed in 2001, the Empire State Building once again became the tallest building in New York (and number two tallest building in the world.) Some might think it's a tasteless drawing, and my liking of it horrible, but I don't quite see it that way. All though I've never been to New York City, if there is something that is more iconic to me it's the Empire State Building. If there's anything that shows American ingenuity and integrity, and struggling to build something of importance, my money is on the Empire State Building. The building itself is getting close to being 80 years old, and it was built during the great depression. If there's any symbol of struggling over adversity, it's the people who worked their asses off to build that building when the country was going economically to the shitter. The WTC was a bland, and uninspiring icon to capitalism. The death of 3,000+ people during it's destruction is tragic, but the building itself (at least as far as I'm concerned) will not be missed. I think if the Empire State Building could ever truly be smug it damn well deserves it. Best damn landmark in the city next to Lady Liberty.

4.) "Remember When...?"

This one features former US President Bill Clinton sitting in the Oval Office scarfing down a hamburger and fries and getting a blow job while talking to Boris Yeltsin on the phone. It's a nostalgia piece, and it kind of makes you look back at what came before the current administration and go "Shit, that wasn't so bad!" Remember how much of a big stink they made about the whole President cheating on his wife? Like Clinton was the first one. This one makes me miss the good old days when the world wasn't so crazy, and the biggest scandals that happened were Yeltsin getting drunk and dancing, and Clinton getting a hummer.

3.) "Freedom of...."

In the number three slot are a series of four "Freedom" cartoons. They all show the more depressing side of certain freedoms found in America. Freedom of Speech showing a SUV with a number of crude bumper stickers slapped on it. Freedom of Worship, which shows two women holding signs that read "God Hates Fags" and "God Blew Up the Shuttle", which is a great commentary on some of the hateful garbage that some poor excuses for "religions" preach. Freedom from Want, showing a fat woman and her fat child in a grocery store the child wanting some fatty junk food. And Freedom from Fear, showing regular everyday people being hassled at a security check.

2.) "Science VS Norse Mythology"

Ah, the evolution vs creation debate, on and on and on and on it goes. James Cameron does a documentary debunking the death of Jesus, the Religious Right of America gets Kirk Cameron to appear on Dateline and try to argue his point to the Rational Response Collation. I'm going to try to keep my own opinion out of this (Because it's going to become a large rant which is more common place on my Dorkswithoutfaces site than here) but I love this take on it. Instead of taking the age old Creationist belief in creation he decides to take a now defunct religion which we all can agree is myth: The Norse religion. I find it hard to believe that somebody who can agree that the idea of an omnipotent being creating the universe from sucking milk out of a cows teat is absurd can in the same breath believe in Genesis is beyond my ability to comprehend. I love the ending to this with the scientist and the Norse warrior arguing the debate, it ending with the Norseman screaming "ODIN!" at the top of his lungs whilst hacking the scientist into bits.

1.) "How To Draw A Political Cartoon"

It's the first one in the book, and possibly the best, if there is any part of the book where Kreider uses self realization and commentates about the works contained herein, it would be with this one cartoon. Really when you boil it down at the end of the day, political humor is entirely subjective and it's effectiveness (in terms of being funny) is all depending on your upbringing, political affiliation, and that of the person trying to convey a message. Which makes a well rounded opening statement to his book and you have to admit, trying to light a monkey's ass on fire is pretty funny.

AND that my friends concludes my review of both of Tim Kreider's books, if you want to hunt down a copy of either The Pain: When Will It End? and Why Do They Kill Me? both books are available from Fantagraphics Books, and if your local book store doesn't carry them, then it's not hard to secure a copy (they are available for sale on Amazon and all other online book store chains) and of course a lot of the cartoons featured in these two books (and many others, updated weekly) can be found on Tim Kreider's very own website www.thepaincomics.com

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