Night of the Living Dead 3-D

A Review by Michael O'May

  Once in a while a movie comes along that is so bad it goes full circle and ends up amazing again. It takes skill and precision to make your movie that special kind of bad and I’m very happy it happened this soon in my writing for Micro-Shock. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the first recipient of the Polished Turd award.
 
  The Polished Turd is only presented to movies so bad they are great. They need to meet every requirement set by the council of elders to receive this award. These requirements are:

1. At least 3 glaring logical gaps due to poor writing and or directing
2. Characters doing things that make no sense considering the situation they are in. For example there’s a killer in the house, lets get naked and fuck.
3. Horrible acting
4. Bad effects
5. Tits
6. You laugh at every thing in the movie but the jokes.
7. It’s fun!

So without further adieu the winner of the first Polished Turd award is Night of the Living Dead 3D.

  First let me say that the original Night of the Living dead is my all time favorite movie and a hate when people touch it because it’s in public domain (I’m looking at you Russo). The original while it’s not without its faults is a perfect movie to me that I can watch again and again. So when I found out that some jack offs were remaking it for a 3rd time and in 3D I knew I had to check it out (despite the extremely high chances it was going to suck). Wow did this movie catch me off guard.

  Night of the Living Dead 3D is to Night of the Living Dead as Space Balls is to Star Wars. While the film doesn’t try to be, it quickly becomes a parody of Night of the Living Dead. The writer clearly wrote the film to be serious and somber, the producers clearly wanted pot humor and tits, and the director just didn’t give a shit-this is a job to him. Some how those creative elements behind the scenes gel and we get one fun fucking movie.

  The plot makes no sense. One minute it’s ripping off Night of the Living Dead, the next it’s trying to carve a hip new path in the “Dead” universe and failing and even later it’s giving up and trying to just make a plain horror movie. Here are some examples of the tidal wave of stupid that is Night of the Living Dead 3D.

1.  The films hero (Ben) takes out a zombie with a flying punch.
2.  Sid Haig runs from scene to scene like a crazy old man hopped up on Viagra hitting things with a shovel.
3. The film takes place on a “Plant Farm”.
4.  In several scenes the characters watch the very movie they are remaking in which they all have the same names and the same shit s happening and yet they don’t seem to notice. No joke the Coopers watch the original Night of the living dead in the middle of a zombie outbreak and they don’t seem to notice they have the same names as the characters and they too are being attacked by zombies.
5. The 3d doesn’t work. You put on the shitty 3d glasses it comes with and you get nothing just a movie in red and blue
6. The explanation of the zombies is actually the funniest and most creative I’ve ever seen for a zombie movie. Sid Haig plays a funeral director that takes over the family business for his dad when he passes. For extra money the family takes government test subjects to be cremated. Sid’s a lazy fuck and he doesn’t bother to cremate anything be it from the government or regular customers he just dumps them in a garage. He thinks there was some “leakage” and bingo you have Zombies. Funny fucking shit.
7. Of course there is a couple fucking for no reason outside so the zombies can get them. If you were curious yes she has nice boobs.
8. There is a new stoner character inserted into the movie that is constantly smoking and passing huge joints to the audience, and by huge I mean submarine sandwich huge.
9. Said stoner dies from a zombie bite and in a matter of seconds comes back in full zombie makeup ready to kill
10. Moments of pointless 3d like slow motion gun shots with horrible CG bullets coming at the screen.
11. Little Karen Cooper wanders outside and gets mauled by zombies, her parents know she’s outside and probably dead and they don’t do shit.
12. In the films climax the hero (Ben) discovers he has had a tire iron impaled into his chest for a few hrs and he’s about to die. How the fuck do miss something like a fucking tire iron in your chest?
13. The best part however is anyone being attacked by a zombie loves to scream “Ow stop biting me!” What happened to fighting back?

  Let me emphasize that these aren’t bad moments they are in fact hilarious and perfect examples of what makes a bad movie great. Whats even better if you take the time to watch the extras and listen to the commentary you can see all the time and effort they sunk into this piece of shit, how they realize they are making crap and thus tried to make it fun, and some other goofy behind the scenes shenanigans.

  I don’t give the Polished Turd to any movie but these guys go above and beyond to earn it and they deserve a pat on the back for making such a gloriously fun piece of shit.

  If you see this puppy anywhere don’t hesitate to pick it up. If you’re a fan of cheese you will not be disappointed and it can now boast the Micro-Shock Polished Turd award of excellence!

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