Intercessor: Another Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

A review by Michael O'May

Sometimes you have to do something you don’t like for the sake of art or in my case your job. So many times I’ve had to sit there and try to keep my eyes open while the most insane boring shit rolls on my TV screen because I have made the genius decision to watch shit films for a living. There is good-bad cinema (police academy) bad-bad cinema (anything asylum puts out) and then there is a new level I have discovered, the visual enema. Ladies and Gentlemen I am very sad to say this is easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen, Intercessor: Another Rock and Roll Nightmare.

The original Rock and Roll Nightmare is the stuff of B-movie legend. The whole shitty movie is a build up to what may be the greatest ending to a movie ever. The lead actor (Jon Mikl Thor) tells the films monster he is actually the Intercessor, a Norris superhero who slays demons, he then proceeds to rip his clothes off and fight rubber monsters in an iron diaper with about 3 cans worth of aqua net in his hair. It’s something that truly needs to be seen to be believed.

So you can bet your ass when I found Intercessor: Another Rock and Roll nightmare I was almost orgasmic. Sadly this movie is like finding out the hot chick your about to fuck is actually a chick with a dick, nobody wins and your ass hurts when it’s all over.

I had to watch this turd twice to get a grasp on the plot. Here goes. The forces of darkness, in particular Mephesto and his 4 horsemen, and some fucker named Zompira are trying to upset the “Balance” by killing two people, a teenage girl and a creepy ginger kid. The only one who can stop them is the Intercessor, and thankfully they stole his memory and planted it inside a crippled kid, thus causing the Intercessor to become fat and Canadian or something along those lines.

Zompira makes a play for the teenage girl who also happens to be friends with gimpy (who has Intercessor stuck in his head) by using Zombies or out of work Canadian actors covered in fake blood, it’s never really clear which. Gimpy however unleashes his inner hero and stops the horde of baddies with just his crutch and a Tritonz (oh goody a rock and roll nightmare reference, perhaps the only good thing about this P.O.S.) football helmet. Gimpy stops Zompira and gets sucked into a horrible bad C.G. hell but not before he unleashes the soul of the Intercessor to kick some ass.

The Intercessor regains his memory and promptly puts on his hero outfit which consists of a Count Dracula cape, and rubber armor you can buy every year at Wal-Mart or Costco. And if your thinking that’s low budget and fucking stupid wait till you see Mephesto and the 4 Horsemen look like they all shop at the Salvation Army. And if there is anyone alive, even the guys who made this shit on a stick, who can defend why War and Death wear Party City costumes please contact me.

Mephesto sends for ugly Canadian women with elemental powers to stop Intercessor using horrible special effects. And by horrible I mean Intercessor fighting with a tree and getting water splashed at him. Intercessor of coarse stops them and goes onto another mind numbing battle with Mephesto and the 4 horsemen, more bad special effects ensue and the best part comes when the movie finally ends.
There is absolutely nothing to enjoy about this movie, zero, sip, nada, not one fucking thing. My hope is after reading this you WONT go track it down and watch it. Jon Mikl Thor can’t save this movie and it does not deserve the 5 dollar price tag Sub Rosa has attached to it. Yes it’s so bad Sub Rosa put it on clearance, and those guys will release anything, I could film a clown shitting on my grandmother and they would find a way to sell it. But Intercessor, forget it, avoid this movie at all costs. Watching this movie is as close to killing yourself as you can get without actually killing yourself.

Zero Z’Dar’s out of five.

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