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Space Mutiny
A Review by Nick Peron
Dorkive Notes: This is one of my earlier movie reviews, at the time I didn't have much in the way of bad movies in my collection so I stuck to doing a review of "Space Mutiny" like my review of "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank" I did a review of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of the movie which was released on DVD in the 4th volume of the box set series that was being released by Rhino Home Video.
Ah, the science fiction epic, since the dawn of cinema, we have told stories about how we conquer the stars. Space Mutiny is Maria Dante's tale from beyond the stars. It must say a lot about your writing abilities when your story is pretty much a cheap version of Battlestar Galactica with a little dash of Star Trek and Star Wars mixed in.
To make this film even more shameful, it used stock footage from Battlestar Galactica itself, throw in the fact most of the movie was filmed in a factory, shameful performances, loose plot, and characters who die through the course of the film are seen again as extras, and you got what the French call la film du marde .
Space Mutiny takes place in the distant future where Earth has been so over populated they set sails aboard a massive space ship called the "Southern Sun" (... don't ask I don't know why they called it that.) to find a new home. But due to intergalactic law they can't just land anywhere.
After three generations of fucking around in space, the descendants of the original crew have gone restless and want off the ship.. Hence the mutiny (in space!!)
Now faithful space traveler, let's meet the players in this space drama of.... um.. Epic (?) proportions.
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The late Cameron Mitchell plays Santa Clause... er I mean Alex Jansen -- Ship Commander
Starring in such films as The Mission... Kill (a 1987 film also written by Maria Dante), Night Train Terror (1985), Raw Force (1982), and let us not forget his last appearance before his death in my favorite bad movie which I have never seen 1995's Jack-O.
In Space Mutiny Mitchell plays Alex Jansen, the ships creepy Santa-like ship commander. His main role is to sit around and punch stuff on computers and look concerned about stuff, and get felt up by strange alien women played by his own daughter. |
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Reb Brown buffs it up as space fighting super-hunk David Ryder
Starring in films such as The Howling II (1985), and as Captain America in both Captain America made for TV movies (Captain America and Captain America II: Dead Too Soon both made in 1979). He must of realized he couldn't act since now he is the Chief Operating Officer for Sierra Entertainment (So when you're in your 50's that you wasted all your prime years playing Half Life instead of having a normal social life, look this knuckle head up.)
Reb plays David Ryder, the hero of this film who excels at shooting people off railings, romancing Golden Girls, and screaming like a woman. |
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Cisse Cameron sexes it up grandma style as Lea Jansen
Cisse, who also starred in Porky's II: The Next Day (1983) and various guest appearances on TV shows as The Love Boat (1977), and Threes Company (1977), plays the love interest of Reb Brown's character. Which is quite creepy, I hope that we all learn a valuable lesson that when your an ancient dinosaur like Cisse you shouldn't play the sexy female lead unless you want your audience to laugh until they wet themselves or go horribly blind when they jab their eyes out with the nearest sharp object during the films obligatory sex scene. I think the only way you could make a worse sex scene is if you took the writers of Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992) didn't have them change Estelle Getty role so that she played as Stallones lover instead of his mom. |
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John Phillip Law plays Elijah Kalgan
John Phillip Law has had a variety of roles in such films as American Commandos (1985), Ghost Dog (1997) and 2003's Curse of the Fourty-Niner (which if you ask me sounds like a rather perverse sexual position instead of a movie title.. but that's just me.)
He plays the movies villain, Elijah Kalgan, the military commander who wants a world of his own to rule and will mutiny like nobodies business to do so. I suppose a lot of his hostility stems from being a sweaty, greasy haired guy named Elijah. He was possibly made fun of a lot as a kid. |
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Graham Clark IS Scott Devers
Graham Clark has not had a very illustrious movie career, making appearances in White Ghost (1988) and River of Diamonds(1990) and playing a guest spot on the TV series Tarzan: The Epic Adventures (1996). Given his rather wooden acting, and minimal role in this film it is not surprising. However if they were going to make a biography film about Sting, he'd be a dead wringer. |
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Madyelen Reynel is the seductive Jennera of the Ballarians
This being her only acting role, I'd also like to point out her lines were dubbed by Cameron Mitchell's daughter Camile ("Daddy, can I be in your movie?").
Madeyelen's role is that of the leader of an alien race called the Ballarians, who's sole purpose in this movie (as far as I can gather) is dance around seductively, seduce crew members, and wave their hands around crystal balls. I think they're involved in the plot some how... But I'm not sure, watching this movie hurt a lot... But during some of the... Um... Tense scenes they do jump cuts out of nowhere of these women waving their hands around and dancing in skimpy leotards. |
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Billy Second is Lt. Lemont the Undead!!
Billy's last name describes how long her movie career lasted perfectly. After Space Mutiny she has only starred in a little film called Pirates of the Plain (1999).
She plays the role of Lt. Lemont a character who looks creepy and gets killed early on, only to rise from the grave and return to work and pretend like the embarrassing being killed thing didn't happen. Actually, I'm trying to make it sound cooler --- in reality, they just stuck her in the scene as an extra. She was so obviously placed you could spot her (And you see her again in the next scene after her character is killed. How bad a fuck up is that??) |
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James Ryan hobbles around as MacPhearson, the ships cripple mutineer.
After his less than memorable role in Space Mutiny you may have seen Mr. Ryan in such glorious roles in films such as Code Name Vengeance(1989), Kickboxer 5 (1995), and From Dusk 'Til Dawn 2: Blood Money (1999)... Not too bad for a professor of play writing at Actors.
In this film however, we get to see his best performance playing a constipated man who hobbles around on a lame leg and stabs people with his cane.. Oh and that whole mutiny thing? He's somehow involved in it. |
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Guy Pringle plays Kalgan's bodyguard.
Mostly a stunt man, Pringle has been thrown through things and beaten up in such epics as American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989) and Any Man's Death (1988).
I make mention of this guy, because he makes for one of the films many railing deaths. |
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