A Critical Look At the Many Victims of the Friday the 13 Movies

A Review by Nick Peron

Dorkive Notes: At the time I had just gotten the Friday the 13th box set that was released by Paramount Pictures, and I remember that I wanted to do some sort of review. When it comes to the magic of the internet, you can bet every asshole with a subscription to Fangoria had written their opinions about the Friday the 13th box set, so I wanted to do something different. I think my inspiration for this article was when I was watching the original Friday the 13th and there was that frightening scene with Kevin Bacon in a Speedo, and you could see his odly shaped penis bulging out. So really, I should give credit where credit is due, so I'd like to thank Kevin Bacon's unfortunate penis for inspiring me to write this article.

Often what happens when I'm writing a really long article (Like my Degrassi Reviews) I get bored and so my imagination and out-spoken nature usually take control of the review that I'm writing, case in point right around a look at the 5th movie I start getting bored and writing rants about some of the later movies and start to do different things (Check Jason Takes Manhatten for example) all ending with my damning review of Jason X.

This one goes out to Chris Seaver & Tony Barnes. You know who you are.

The Friday the 13th series, arguably one of the best horror franchises out there. The body counts are high, the complexity of the plots low, the breasts contained within are supple and perky and demand everyones attention.

A pioneer in the genre of horror films, it's easy to idolize and constantly analyze the main character -- Jason Voorhees (He's the guy in the hockey mask, just in case you didn't know) -- Such is not my purpose of writing about these films. For years, reviewers and other people slightly less talented than reviewers (ie, me) have ignored the underdogs of the franchise, the unappreciated characters who sacrified their lives so that you, the viewer, can see what would happen if you hit a dude in the wheelchair in the face with a butcher knife.

Yes, we are so quick to simply leave these people as acceptable losses in our war to be entertained in the most greusome ways possible. But today their cries of idignation are heard! SPEAK UP VICTIMS OF JASON! TELL ME YOUR TALES!

Yes, for the first time in the history of the internet (unless it's already been done, which it probably has, but who cares mine is a lot better!) I will take a deep and indepth look into the lives of the victims of Jason in all the incarnations of the Friday the 13th films! Join me won't you?

But First I'd like to take a moment to thank the folks at http://www.fridaythe13thfilms.com where I lifted all these pictures, which made it easier for me to do this review, since I didn't have to go through my entire Friday the 13th collection and have to grab all the images myself! Thanks guys, your swell!

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