Burial Ground
A review by Michael O'May
Sometimes you have a movie that isn’t a great movie in any respect but really just one hilariously cool part. This movie is Burial Ground. The scene is where a zombie Peter Bark suckles his mother’s tit before biting it clean off. Classic is you ask me. Classic.
At first glance this is nothing more than another Italian Romero Zombie clone. Disposable characters spend a weekend at a crusty old villa for reasons that are always lost on me (the movie is that bad). What these guys don’t know is that the place is crawling with lame ass Italian knock off zombies. The characters are all cookie cutter types with the damsel, the professor, the hero and they all stumble into one stupid scenario after the next. Do they make it out of the villa alive? Really who gives a shit we want the zombies to fuck them up.
The real draw in this movie is Peter Bark, playing Michael a kid with a very weird mother complex. Michael it would seem is a pre teen but he sort of also looks like he’s 30. Well it turns out in real life he really was pushing 30, I think he was suffering from that Doogie Hauser disease. Michael spends the whole movie with a boner for his mom. Every chance he gets he sneaks a peak at some side boob or camel toe or spits out some odd line like “This rag smells of death”. Every single second Michael is on screen you giggle at how bad and creepy he is.
The zombies in this turd don’t seem to have read the zombie handbook. They think, they all shamble in the wrong directions, they routinely look into the camera, and they operate tools like laid off construction guys, wait a second if I didn’t know any better I’d say the producers got cheap and actually used the crew as zombies, no they couldn’t be that cheap could they? Yes they could it’s an Italian knock off. Cheap and Italian go together like spaghetti and meatballs when it comes to horror. Regardless the zombies serve their basic purpose, and that’s gore, lots of it. We get severed limbs, bloody bites, lots of stabbing and good old gun wounds to the head all with glorious red stuff in abundance.
The crème de la crème comes when Michael looses an arm and becomes a Zombie.
Somehow Michael’s mother doesn’t notice he isn’t ok when he shambles in front of her missing an arm, just like she doesn’t notice his perpetual boner whenever she’s close. Michael’s mom in a moment of compassion pulls her son close for an embrace and zombie Michael seizes the moment. What does he do? He gets a drink. Michael pulls one of his mother’s tits free and begins to suckle. I have never been able to figure out what exactly the film makers are going for at this moment. Is it some sort of lost poetic moment about how in death we return to birth? Do they too have some sort of mommy problem? Are they just plain old boob guys? Before you can wrap your head around it Michael does the inevitable and takes a huge bite out of mom’s tit in gory detail. And it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it.
Burial Ground is very much a midnight movie if there ever was one. It has a sizable fan community, and it is an Italian zombie flick, just don’t go into it expecting anything but cheese and lots of it. It’s worth the watch for its few select moments of great gore and insane plot.
I give one eaten tit out of five.
