Micro-Shock Cinema

Aliens VS Predator: Requiem

A review by Michael O'May

You know your movie sucks when Uwe Boll could have done it better. Yes that’s right I think Uwe Boll could have made AVP: R a better movie, it’s that fucking bad and not the kind of bad we like at micro-shock it’s just horrible movie.

It’s sad because it wouldn’t take much for me to like this movie, it’s a simple formula, Predators fight Aliens with as little of a plot possible beyond that. But again nobody understands what the audience wants. What we get in this fucking car wreck of a movie is a very bad 90’s slasher film/ Dawson's Creek style plot that really could be any fucking script that was lying around with Aliens and Predators glued in at awkward moments. The Aliens and Predators are not characters in this at all, they aren’t scary, they aren’t cool they are just there hissing and killing things. They may have had more impact in the film if they were developed ever so slightly or the characters they kill were given something to do other than die but they weren’t. And you know what, it would have worked if the humans weren’t given more screen time than the Aliens and Predators, I’d say all in all they get about 10 minutes in the movie while the rest is just boring shit by boring characters to fill time till Predator gets jumpy and kills something.

The main feature of the film, the Pred-Alien much like this movie is a waste. You never get a clear look at what I’m assuming is a cool creature design. The movie is too dark and jumpy to ever give you a clear shot of the beast and really it doesn’t do anything beyond fight the Predator. That’s a shame too because why waste all the time and money and creativity on the creature and not use it. At least the Neca action figure gives you a good look.

I don’t blame the directors for the problems with this movie. Technically it’s a pretty tight film, and thank god they didn’t give us shaky cam or jumpy music video edits. The problems are in the script, the casting, and the overall half-ass ness about it all that you can clearly credit to asshole suits at Fox. It’s a franchise that makes money so you put the smallest amount of effort and money into it as possible and get the highest return. Someone at Fox who actually gave a shit about the properties would have been nice, especially when it comes to these 2 beloved franchises.

I really wanted this to work in some way and it didn’t on any level for me and apparently many see it the same way as I do. I hate to sound like one of those guys who have done nothing but feel like he could have done it better and that’s why I said Uwe Boll up top, he would have got it, Aliens fighting Predator, that’s it, fuck the script. They fucked this up to the point I’m sure the only way we will see more is in remake form, but if they do make a part 3 here is what you need to do:

-Human plot only serves to move along the ongoing fight between Alien and Predator

-Human plot is kept to an absolute minimum

-Find a way to have Predator talk, you really can’t develop the character well when he’s essentially a mute fighting another mute monster, subtitles I suppose, and have him communicate with other predators.

-Aliens are scary, not just cannon fodder

-You have a bottomless well of cool Predators and Aliens to create, so for the love of god use it, don’t just pay homage to the first Predator and Aliens over and over again.

-Give us a clear cut winner, not humans win, or they both loose, one side or the other clearly wins, and the audience doesn’t loose.

-Get it out of the present, your just limiting what you can do in the movie creatively.

I’m pretty sure I’m right on this but who knows maybe I don’t get it and every penny pusher in Hollywood does, but until I’m proven wrong this movie fucking sucked.

One Z’Dar out of Five

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		Aliens VS Predator: Requiem A review by Michael O'May You know your movie sucks when Uwe Boll could have done it better. Yes that’s right I think Uwe Boll could have made AVP: R a better movie, it’s that fucking bad and not the kind of bad we like at micro-shock it’s just horrible movie. It’s sad because it wouldn’t take much for me to like this movie, it’s a simple formula, Predators fight Aliens with as little of a plot possible beyond that. But again nobody understands what the audience wants. What we get in this fucking car wreck of a movie is a very bad 90’s slasher film/ Dawson's Creek style plot that really could be any fucking script that was lying around with Aliens and Predators glued in at awkward moments. The Aliens and Predators are not characters in this at all, they aren’t scary, they aren’t cool they are just there hissing and killing things. They may have had more impact in the film if they were developed ever so slightly or the characters they kill were given something to do other than die but they weren’t. And you know what, it would have worked if the humans weren’t given more screen time than the Aliens and Predators, I’d say all in all they get about 10 minutes in the movie while the rest is just boring shit by boring characters to fill time till Predator gets jumpy and kills something. The main feature of the film, the Pred-Alien much like this movie is a waste. You never get a clear look at what I’m assuming is a cool creature design. The movie is too dark and jumpy to ever give you a clear shot of the beast and really it doesn’t do anything beyond fight the Predator. That’s a shame too because why waste all the time and money and creativity on the creature and not use it. At least the Neca action figure gives you a good look. I don’t blame the directors for the problems with this movie. Technically it’s a pretty tight film, and thank god they didn’t give us shaky cam or jumpy music video edits. The problems are in the script, the casting, and the overall half-ass ness about it all that you can clearly credit to asshole suits at Fox. It’s a franchise that makes money so you put the smallest amount of effort and money into it as possible and get the highest return. Someone at Fox who actually gave a shit about the properties would have been nice, especially when it comes to these 2 beloved franchises. I really wanted this to work in some way and it didn’t on any level for me and apparently many see it the same way as I do. I hate to sound like one of those guys who have done nothing but feel like he could have done it better and that’s why I said Uwe Boll up top, he would have got it, Aliens fighting Predator, that’s it, fuck the script. They fucked this up to the point I’m sure the only way we will see more is in remake form, but if they do make a part 3 here is what you need to do: -Human plot only serves to move along the ongoing fight between Alien and Predator -Human plot is kept to an absolute minimum -Find a way to have Predator talk, you really can’t develop the character well when he’s essentially a mute fighting another mute monster, subtitles I suppose, and have him communicate with other predators. -Aliens are scary, not just cannon fodder -You have a bottomless well of cool Predators and Aliens to create, so for the love of god use it, don’t just pay homage to the first Predator and Aliens over and over again. -Give us a clear cut winner, not humans win, or they both loose, one side or the other clearly wins, and the audience doesn’t loose. -Get it out of the present, your just limiting what you can do in the movie creatively. I’m pretty sure I’m right on this but who knows maybe I don’t get it and every penny pusher in Hollywood does, but until I’m proven wrong this movie fucking sucked. One Z’Dar out of Five
		Most Items We Have Reviewed and Commented On Are Available Through Amazon.com. If you want to pick them up for yourself, please don't hesitate to do so through this link below, proceeds on any sales will go towards the operation of this website: