So who is in this one that I should give two shits about?:

The Amityville Horror, one of many movies in the 70’s that cashed in on peoples fears of the Devil, like all movies of it’s genre in that decade (The Exorcist came out in 1973, The Omen in ’75 & Touch of Satan in 1970… Uh… Let’s forget that one, that movie didn’t make us fear Satan, it made us laugh at him...) it tried to put the fear of the lord into people.

This is a haunted house movie based on, apparently, a true story (but enough people have been jumping up and down screaming hoax. Hoax or not, the fact that people debate about this is a surefire sign why we really ought to take warning labels off things.)

The movie stars James Brolin, who we all know went on to marry the worlds most popular rawhide skinned “musician”, the shriek factory that needs rhinoplasy like I need a sex life, Barbara Streisand. But we won’t hold it against him – yet –, because other than securing his financial future by marrying a beloved musician of menopausal women with quashed dreams of “true” romance, he has also appeared in many other movies, great movies, respectable movies that will go down the hallowed halls of Hollywood history hailed as works of art… Wait, he was in Nightmare on the 13th Floor (1990)? Forget I said anything. He stars as the rugged, manly and very hairy George Lutz, who get coaxed by the evil Satan-house to kill his family (I don’t know about you, but I believe the only effective way for Satan to communicate his desire for you to kill your loved ones is, and always will be through the family pet, not the house, you asshole.)

Canadian born actress Margaret Kidder, who we all remember who played Lois Lane in Superman (1978) (and it’s shameful sequels made well before the late Christopher Reed went from horse jockey to wheelchair jockey) plays the wife, Kathy Lutz, in the film. I can’t really assess her acting ability, because I realy can't seem to find one other than "getting towards my middle age and I'm going to try to sequeeze one more attempt to be sexy that's about as graceful and beautiful as a loud wet fart in a silent room". Which was the biggest cock-tease I’ve seen in a 70’s movie that wasn’t an exploitation film, and even that left me more flacid than a windsock on a muels dick.

Rob Steiger plays Father Delaney in this film, who’s role is to be the whipping boy for whatever evil souls haunt the house because he constantly gets his ass handed to him. DEPRESSING FACT: Steiger died on July 9 th 2002 of pneumonia and kidney failure! Remember kids, communion wine is a silent killer.. Especially when drank liberally!

There are other actors, but most of them were annoying kids who didn’t act in very much after this film, so who really cares? These are the big guns, so let’s just get through what this movie is all about so we can move on with our lives shall we? Thanks.

But I'll have to hand it to the filmmakers who made this movie, because what they turned out was a really shitty movie. If their intent was to make a film that is a good example of why you should buy home owners insurance, than they even failed at that, because I've called at least seven insurance companies in the time I was doing my research to write this review, and none of them have demonic possession insurance. If there are any people out there who want to inguage in a lucrative buisness venture that will milk money off idiots who take the bible literally, give me an e-mail.

But enough about that, you wanted to read a review about a moive, and we've just scratched the surface, beneath this layer my friends is a chocoholics delight of shitty movie.

Next