50 Chilling Classics: DVD Box Set Review (Part 4 of 5)
Review by Rhonda Baughman
Dear Gentle, Faithful Micro Flock – I am on disc four of this box set – and damn, as previously mentioned, I had to get a little dirty creative to get through this disc.
Snowbeast
(Music)Score/Atmosphere: 1/5
Editing: 1/5
Story/Characterization: 1/5
Pacing: 0/5
Average/Overall Execution: 3/20
Alternate title recommendation– The Great Snow Outtake, Skiing Montage, and Instructional Video.
After 20+ years of watching films, call it a hunch that I knew it would be a long while if ever, when we caught a glimpse of the actual beast. Mostly it was just a roar that sounded as if someone ran the noise from an ancient vacuum cleaner through a filter and then placed into the film in post-production. Not an accident I had to watch two great films (The Way of the Gun
My partners? Ex-military BFF Michelle (last name withheld for security reasons) and Kyle (just go check the myspace link for Elias Iscariot … ) Kyle wore a distracting ensemble, really – knowing it would be his chance to grab an extra Ugly Doll card – a Dark Night of the Scarecrow tee (we had just met and consequently scored an autograph form writer J.D. Feigelson, too.But I would not go down without a fight!
“Fucking Ugly Dolls!”, “In your Asshole!” and “That’s my goddamn card!” were heard across the neighborhood, I’m sure … (then again, the downstairs neighbors were yelling again, about some fucking teenage drama – they’re lucky there is, indeed, a national ammo shortage and I was desperate to win the Ugly Doll game).
What is the Ugly Doll card game?
The best way I can sum up is this:
“It’s like that scene in Hard Boiled – I had to shoot myself to get to you,” said Kyle, when I realized I had fallen for a fake grab to an Ugly Doll card. Figures. The card game, which I’m sure is aimed for 5-10 year olds, is actually a good time. I thought it originally might be a distraction to Snowbeast, and it was, but in a good way – in a way where the distraction rapidly became the main focal point. You should pick up a copy of the game yourself, even if you’re not using it to review your own movie.
As suspected, much of the beastie was really just an arm in a furry costume, what I thought was an old white fur with some mascara strategically combed through … and an actual glimpse proved to look more like a smudge on the lens.
Sisters of Death
(Music)Score/Atmosphere: 2/5
Editing: 1/5
Story/Characterization: 2/5
Pacing: 1/5
Average/Overall Execution: 6/20
As a child I had once purchased a VHS copy of this film from K-Mart, of all places, so I thought viewing this would be a great trip down memory lane. And it was.
For like, five minutes.
The intro is evil – leading you to believe there is a great film coming. Except – the intro is the best part.
Since I am no longer a child – I know how this film had to be watched in order to get through it … and I bet you do, too.
Too bad you couldn’t have been there to see it – the oral ramifications were tremendous: from floor to couch, and upside down like a porn star … that’s how you review a movie like this …
The War of the Robots
(Music)Score/Atmosphere: 3/5
Editing: 2/5
Story/Characterization: 2/5
Pacing: 2/5
Average/Overall Execution: 9/20
Probably the most fun production in the box set yet - fun in terms of, I bet this set's vibe was a gas! And of course, this film was shot in vintage year 1978, a great year if I might add, so it was before all the CGI hoopla. Also, 1978 would give us Rhonda Baughman.
The sets created for this film were nothing short of labor-intensive love, and I could say the same for the costume designer. I found myself humming Devo tunes while watching, even over the halfway decent score. The last twenty minutes of the film obviously ushers in the era of Atari and other mindless "Eat this Alien Asteroid, I zap you!" conundrums, so it does go on a bit too long. The directors were also apparently not sure how to end this film - so they just basically ended it: mid-sardonic Antonio Sabato smile: a smile that said it all: I just made a fucking robot movie and damn, I look good.
Oasis of the Zombies
(Music)Score/Atmosphere: 1/5
Editing: 1/5
Story/Characterization: 1/5
Pacing: 1/5
Average/Overall Execution: 4/20
Before Horrorhound said, Fangoria said it, too - before those guys were even aware - there was a 9 year old on a mission, armed with a VideoTime card of her very illegal own, toddling up and down the carpeted magnificence of the horror aisles in the late eighties and early nineties ...
And then she saw them ... the BIG BOXES.
Please, keep all juvenile puns to yourself: I've heard them all as most of my cohorts are male.
All those BIG BOXES were so beautiful - it brings a tear to my eye now just remembering them ...
Of course that 9 year old is 31 and owns her own big boxes (some purchased from eBay and others generous gifts from friends) and she will be cremated with them so they will be together forever ...
This film is a Jesus Franco production - so it's not really all that surprising the intro is prolific, there are hot women everywhere, the setting is gorgeous, the plot is borderline tourette, and the zombies were kinda silly. Although, much like with "I Eat Your Skin" there was one zombie I felt tug at my black heart strings ... look carefully for the puppet zombie on a stick with a ping pong ball eye ... he's just so ... well, charming.
