50 Chilling Classics: DVD Box Set Review (Part 3 of 5)
Review by Rhonda Baughman
Disc 3 took so long to slog through; I was starting to wonder if there might not be something … wrong with me. And although there probably is something slightly askew – it’s this disc. Truly. It could have been so much … more … something insightful, but really – I had to just get creative and think of ways to stay awake while reviewing this batch. And let me tell you … I did get pretty creative. Not as creative as the next disc (4), but still fairly ingenious.
The Driller Killer
(Music)Score/Atmosphere: 3/5
Editing: 2/5
Story/Characterization: 3/5
Pacing: 1/5
Average/Overall Execution: 9/20
This Film Should Be Played Loud – appears as the first screen of this surprisingly well-premised, but poorly executed, meandering flick. This Film Should Be Played Loud - (why? to stay awake?)
The film should have said:
End With Lead Character Wallowing On Street With Suitcase
But alas, this would not be the case…. and the film would just go on and on.
So punk rawk this film and sooooooo meandering ... A grade of ‘F’ to the lesbian shower scene, (too short), and the pacing went from painfully long to excruciatingly long ... Everything about this film is an easy target for my anomie and discontent.
The characters are unlikable - and I do mean you do not care whether they good or turn bad - they're just too annoying to care either way. Speaking of annoying, when I read the film’s DVD case synopsis, I was reminded of my ex (my beau, BFF, and personal masseuse watching with me agreed). Why? The first two minutes of The Driller Killer took place in a church – who was, for all clichéd purposes – one of those I have found Jesus, I will study Him, and now let me paint an effigy of him on this huge wooden door I found in the trash … Much like this film, I already spent too much time with the ex, and will not waste more words on either …
Horror Express
(Music)Score/Atmosphere: 3/5
Editing: 2/5
Story/Characterization: 2/5
Pacing: 1/5
Average/Overall Execution: 8/20
The film began with decent intro music and I had just read an update of star Christopher Lee’s recent return to Hammer films. While I should readily know more about both Lee and star Peter Cushing, such dashing men of the silver screen, I find their resumes overwhelming! Every time I think of these two gentlemen, I can only think two things: “brilliant acting” and “I will never have an IMDB profile like these guys”.
Some of the Horror Express dialogue made me smile, (pay particular attention to the randy autopsy assistance joke) – however, the movie deteriorates after about half an hour and the audience is left with lots of events, in seemingly no particular order … interesting premise, but difficult to follow the piece as a whole. Definitely in need of a remake/update/Michael Bay-ish flair.
Haunts
(Music)Score/Atmosphere: 5/5
Editing: 0/5
Story/Characterization: 0/5
Pacing: 0/5
Average/Overall Execution: 5/20
With a resume as gigantic as Aldo Ray’s, one might think the man would have learned how to really expose those acting chops along the line. Yes, one might suppose.
One could suppose quite a number of things.
I’ll just tell you one, instead:
Awful film.
However, the music is by Pino Donaggio – how did they land this mastermind of the lyrical note for this film? I suspect he was being nice – and had an hour to fill. He is, by far, the best part of the film.
“Shocking twists and turns” must be a euphemism for “incomprehensible script full of holes we’re hoping you don’t notice.”
Although, uh – the crocheted afghan shown repeatedly throughout the film was pretty … I even indulged in a massage and two bottles of Great Lakes Burning River. These could not save this film.
“I don’t wanna,” says one character – and neither do I, I thought.
Werewolf in a Girl’s Dormitory
(Music)Score/Atmosphere: 1/5
Editing: 1/5
Story/Characterization: 1/5
Pacing: 0/5
Average/Overall Execution: 3/20
Only at the doe-eyed Priscilla character, did I remove my middle finger from the FF button – “Judgment is for God alone” says one character, in baritone timbre. Uh-huh .
… and judgment alone for this critic who thinks the majority of this film was a cop-out. End scene – water … metaphor for rebirth, I usually surmise, however in this case, it’s more just a wishful visual for the remaining viewers who are still awake that they could just drown themselves and end the pointlessness of sitting through more convoluted b/w films about virtually nothing. I could see where Reform School Girls may have borrowed a scene snippet or idea, however, the major difference remains: Reform School Girls was a brilliant piece of sleazy filmmaking with a killer soundtrack; WIAGD? Not so much. Yet another film in dire need of an update. I had to watch Sleepaway Camp after this movie, at least in Camp it seemed the director was experimenting … all for the good. Unlike the films on disc 3.
I had to watch The Way of the Gun
TV star Kristin Lehman portrays the crazy wife who, upon seeing her baby’s ultrasound, breaks into an expression that could only jolted a memory from deep within my subconscious ….
The last time I saw a face like that it was plastered on a young man standing next to $1400.00 worth of fireworks lit up and off at the same time. While the rest of ran for our lives, the last shot I could develop on a camera destroyed after this little teenage antic, was his beatific face shining in the night, fireworks shooting next to his eyes …
The film is an entire cast of strangely likable characters and brilliant one-liners I have not seen the likes of since Fight Club
“Karma is justice without the satisfaction-and I don’t believe in justice.”
“What are you going to tell god when you see him?”
“If we die, we die alone.”
And the recent autopsy I viewed proved the latter, even – when you die you’re not taking anyone or anything with you – and as a matter of fact, if you’re lucky, you only become a hollowed cavity re-awaiting your originally removed contents which will be sewn back inside your chest, in a fucking garbage bag.
I’ve often thought of this film as my deserted isle flick, provided you know, I had electricity and access to the necessary equipment. Of course, I think this as the national ammo shortage continues, I cannot find .380 auto for my Walther PPK/S, and I have been watching too James Caan on TV again, in "Las Vegas"
