The 121 greatest genre toys that were never made

Mega-Article By Michael O'May

Well it’s already late but I’ve decided this needs to be done, the list to end all lists for the collector of the genre figure. Movie Maniacs started the ball rolling and many great companies have picked it up sense but there is still so much ground to cover. I tried this once already but really got over verbose with it, I’m not going to waste your time explaining the who’s or whys you should already fucking know if your reading this. I have made some omissions from the list if a company has a license and they actively make characters from it, for example, Halloween, or if the character just makes no sense to me on a shelf, sorry Resident Evil movie fans.

The following is from extensive polling, using good old Google, and the opinions of a secret society of toy and movie nerds, the top 100 yet to be made movie figures.

100. The deaf Amish guy (Diary of the Dead): In this cluster fuck of a movie deaf Amish guy was the lone standout as a character you actually liked. We would give him a Scythe, and a real tiny ass chalk board for you to write on with some very small pieces of chalk.

99. Reverend Kane (Poltergeist): Before even Carol Ann, I think to give Reverend Henry Kane, the corpse like and beyond bizarre cult leader some plastic love, simply on his creepy ass iconic look.

98. Cropsy (the Burning): The long forgotten slasher classic from 1981. How can you not love a Savini burn victim that cuts Fisher Stevens up with pruning sheers? We would make Cropsy with his overcoat and sheers held high ready to cut your summer camping ass to pieces.

97. Black Devil Doll (The Black Devil Doll): We haven’t even seen this movie yet and we know it needs some plastic love. How can you not want a woman hating, jive ass, Black Panther puppet?

96. Frank Zito (Maniac): Because it’s fucking Joe Spinell, don’t question the toy gods! We would have Zito with the front of a car base ready to blow poor Tom Savini’s head apart with a shot gun. Changeable blown apart head included.

95. Johhny-5 (Short Circuit): Johnny Five number 95! Really I know some people love this crazy ass robot but his movies just don’t hold up well, regardless of that we respect his cool design. And because we know there are a few who really dig the movies 1 in 25 Johnnies will be gold instead of silver for when he became a U.S. citizen.

94. Slim (House 2: the second story): While maybe not the greatest movie in the world, you can’t deny how cool Slim looked as an undead cowboy hell bent on getting his hands on a crystal skull. We would give him a crystal skull accessory, and if he will fit on the card his zombie horse too.

93. Teen Ape (Throw a dart at any Chris Sever flick): Again we can’t forget the mother fucking Teen Ape, the time traveling layer of pipe. His toy would be unique in that it would double as a sex toy for the ladies, flip the switch and he vibrates.

92. Divine (Pink Flamingos): A controversial choice to be sure but you can’t love trash cinema without paying some respect to the “Queen” of the garbage dump Divine. Divine, the too tight red dress, plastic boobs and a gun, plain and simple. Dog shit not included.

91. The Monster- Gunther Straker (The Funhouse): A cool monster from a cool 80’s Tobe Hooper movie, simple as that. We would include the only accessory you need, a removable Frankenstein mask.

90. Maniac Cop (Maniac Cop): You have to give Z’Dar some love somewhere. 3 interchangeable heads so you can have normal Z’Dar, scared Z’Dar and Zombie Z’Dar maniac cops, or fuck all 3 if you want to spend the money, I’d go with all 3 because its Robert Z’Dar and I’m sure a royalty check would help him keep the electric on this month.

89. Rawhead Rex: Yes we know it was a shitty movie but you can help and love Clive barkers bastard son rex. We would make him a little bigger than the other figures and covered in blood with a nice Irish base. (Menstrual perhaps?- read the short story if you don’t get it)

88. Big Ben (House): Who would have guessed, the lovable oaf on Night Court, Richard Moll, could be so scary. We would make the pissed off hulking zombie Nam vet full of holes and spite and we would include a removable helmet and his trusty machine gun.

87. That kung fu mullet “PANCAKES” kid (cabin fever): Just watch the movie and you’ll see what I’m talking about. He will come with a voice chip that says only one thing “Pancakes!”

86. The Ghoulies: Fuck all the other Gremlins rip offs (all somehow connected to Charlie band). This is above and beyond the best of the worst rubber puppet flicks. We would have the 3 main Ghoulies and a toilet for them to party in.

85. Dr. Edward Pretorius (H.P. Lovecraft’s From Beyond): As much as it pains me to say it, you go with the cool monster first, even if that means fucking over Jeffrey Combs. We would make Dr. Pretorius in all his slime covered glory, with a broken resonator as a base and his final most twisted form as the one to get some plastic love.

84. The Howling Werewolf, Eddie Quist (The Howling): First of all if this movie isn’t a reason to give Robert Picardo love for life I don’t know what is. Secondly this movie was, for me any way, Rick Baker showing the effects world at large he is a force to be reckoned with. The Howling made the modern werewolf what it is today and it hasn’t been touched sense. We would have Quist in all his lupine glory ready to tear up your self help retreat.

83. Misquamacas (The Manitou): Yes we said it, Misquamacas! How did he manage to crawl this far up the list? How did he manage to even break past 100? Because spinal cancer that turns out to actually be the reincarnation of an ancient pissed off Native American deity that doesn’t develop properly therefore he becomes a dwarf is pretty fucking cool. We would make ole Misquamacas with bloody burst open woman’s back as a base. Just don’t let him turn the toys Manitou against you.

82. Heidi the Hippo (Meet the Feebles): You really want characters of every single fucked up puppet in this Peter Jackson classic but you really need to pick and choose. You have to go with the main protagonist in Heidi the binge eating hippo. We would give her a base of dead feeble puppets, a machine gun, stiff nipples, and a big old piece of cake. Also she will have to be flocked.

81. Rodney Dangerfield (Back to School): So I says to the suits why not make me a toy, they say Rodney, the choking hazard alone would kill more kids than your bad jokes. Even my toy gets no respect.

80. Sol (Doomsday): Despite how new this movie is, we want merchandise from it. Sol, a villain so bat shit it was like the 80’s came alive and gave birth to him. Anarchy in the flesh, and perhaps the most hyperactive villain ever portrayed on screen, we would have him posed in his fur coat creaming like a crazy person, and he would have his girlfriend’s head as an accessory.

79. Eden Sinclair (Doomsday): Snake Pliskin with a vagina. Seriously I hate most “Bad ass” type female characters, but Eden Sinclair worked and worked well as she was treated like one of the guys for the most part with little or nothing to say, she just like to kill people and fuck shit up. I think we would have Eden, lots of weapons, and a tiny removable eye.

78. Leslie Vernon (Behind the mask: The rise of Leslie Vernon): A Freudian breakdown of the “Slasher” character type through a neurotic would be start up slasher in pseudo documentary fashion? It’s actually really good? It some how manages to stand out through its wit and eye for the obvious and not for its gratuitous violence and nudity? We would make Leslie, with removable mask, sickle, and a base littered with apples to keep the legend alive.

77. Blix (Legend): I unfortunately have to ignore the rule of the license being in a companies hands so there is a chance it may come out, I’m not sure if SOTA still has the property but if they do you wont see anything from it, sadly they have moved on to greener pastures. Blix, the goblin leader is one bad ass Rob Bottin design; we would give him a fallen unicorn in the snow as the base with a sword in his hand ready to sacrifice for the Darkness.

76. Crispen Glover as Willard (Willard): We had to squeeze Crispen in somewhere, and Willard is the best fit. To me no role is closer to the real Crispen than Willard; the guy is seriously that weird. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, he’s the man for sure. We would have Willard with a base covered in rats, with room for one in his hand.

75. Dr. Frank-N-Furter (The Rocky Horror Picture Show): Another exception to our rules, because the only existing figure sucks ass. And yet another movie you just want to make a million toys for, but for the sake of space we are sticking with the good doctor. We would stick him in his iconic cape and women’s lingerie, with a sculpting emphasis on Tim Curry’s weird ass lips.

74. Leon (The Professional): And now our first iconic, action star, Leon, The Professional. Back in the day this figure was almost made by N2 toys but it never happened for whatever reason, well its due time it happened. We would make Leon; give him his guns, his house plant, Matilda and a glass of milk.

73. Lone Star (SpaceBalls): The Luke Skywalker/Han Solo hybrid played by the thespian Bill Pulman. Granted he isn’t the best choice for this list we just cant see having Dark Helmut without Lone Star. He would come with a one size fits all Schwartz ring for you to wear.

72. Barf (SpaceBalls): Admit it; John Candy is one funny mother fucker. Case in point, SpaceBalls. Half man, half dog, he’s his own best friend. Tail waging action included.

71. Yogurt (SpaceBalls): I don’t know why but people who put shoes on their knees and act like dwarfs is one of the funniest things in the world to me. Why? Because it’s so fucking stupid, it’s hilarious. Yogurt, a direct mock of George Lucas marketing the hell out of Star Wars will come in SpaceBalls the action figure packaging and come with SpaceBalls the flamethrower as an accessory- “the kids love this one”

70. Dark Helmet (SpaceBalls): If Family guy thinks they’re funny with Stewie playing Darth Vader they owe huge props to Rick Moranis as he portrayed Dark Helmet. Whats funny is after watching the prequel trilogy to Star Wars Dark Helmet is closer to Anakin Skywalker than Darth Vader could ever be. We would have a movable visor, smaller SpaceBalls “dolls” and an evil life size Schwartz ring for you to wear.

69. The Crites (Critters 1-4): They don’t hold up as well as they should but you still gotta love those evil space porcupines. From a franchise that gave Leonardo Dicaprio and Angela Basset their big breaks we would stuff the package with as many Critters as we possibly could to terrorize your other toys, we would also make the magnetic so you can form them into a giant Critter ball.

68. Ginger Fitzgerald (Ginger Snaps): While would love to make both the uber cute Fitzgerald sisters it makes more sense to make Ginger first. While the final Werewolf is cool we think we will make her in her final pre Werewolf phase because well she was so fucking hot. Its true hot women can come out of Canada, grrr.

67. Borat: He would have placed much higher on this list if he wasn’t such a divisive character, either you love him or you hate him there seems to be no in-between. We would sculpt Borat looking as ignorant as possible holding a small American flag and his small leather bag, as a funny accessory we would give him a tiny Baywatch book.

66. Fido (Fido): A great new twist on the zombie genre which is very rare these days. The adventures of a boy and his pet zombie in a weird quasi 50’s world, it’s better than fucking Lassie that’s for sure. We would make Fido with activated and de-activated versions; he would either come with body parts or a catcher’s mitt and cigarettes depending on which version you get.

65. Dar - The Beast Master (The Beast Master): One thing that is common knowledge on Micro-Shock is that we worship Marc Singer. Why? Wouldn’t you love a guy who could talk to ferrets, get the chick, and fight Rip Torn? Well if you’re still not convinced you have no soul. We would make Dar, and give him his sword, glaive, his eagle, Kodo and Podo his ferrets and pop him on a mountain top base. Also he would be super articulated for some kick ass poses.

64. John Rambo (Rambo): Yeah sure young Stallone has gotten plenty of love over the years as Rambo, but after seeing the latest “John Rambo” we really want the latest version of our favorite Nam vet. We would stand him on a pile of blown apart Asians holding his bow and knife ready to fuck anyone that pisses him off up.

63. Charles Bronson as Paul Kersey (Death Wish): With the right sculptor this toy wouldn’t need much just Charles Bronson’s amazing pissed off stare. We would have Paul Kersey with his gun pointed at some unseen criminal or perhaps even you, simple as that.

62. Reed Rothchild as Chest Rockwell (Boogie Nights): Surprise mother fuckers I bet you weren’t expecting this were you. Yes Boogie Nights needs some love and we think with the inclusion on this list they are going to climb the ladder year after year. To do it right you must pay homage to the movie in the movie with Brock Landers’ dim witted side kick Chest Rockwell. He would come with his trusty nunchucks and chiseled good looks.

61. Dirk Digler as Brock Landers (Boogie Nights): The thinly veiled homage to John Holmes needs an action figure ASAP. The thinly veiled homage to John Holmes’s alter ego Johnny Wadd, Brock Landers needs a figure even faster. If you didn’t know Marky Mark was going to explode all over your face after Boogie Nights (Pardon the very-very bad pun) you were an idiot. We would give Brock extra articulation for his bad ass karate moves but sorry ladies giant wang not included.

60. The Bride (Bride of ReAnimator): And then god created woman. Herbert West tried but as with everything he injects re-agent into, it didn’t go so well. We would have the bride ripping herself apart with a basement lab section as a base and we would throw in the little eyeball finger guy because we love Screaming Mad George’s work that much.

59. Dolemite: Dolemite is my name and fucking up motherfuckers is my game. The only toy to steal you wife and kick your honkey ass ever made, end of description, move on you jive ass motherfucker.

58. Frankenstein (Deathrace 2000): This is some rare proof that David Carradine is more than his good looks; he can act too, well in his own special way. The multi champion of the Deathrace would come with a removable mask, cape, “hand grenade” and a die cast hot wheels version of his kick ass ride.

57. Angela (Night of the Demons): With a remake on the horizon the original needs some love. We would make Angela in all her evil Goth girl demon-y goodness with a real fabric dress because in the movie it was ratty as fuck so the toy by comparison should be easy to recreate we would also add wheels to her feet to recreate her odd floating action. While we would like to include demon and non demon heads lets face it, she looks better under prosthetics.

56. Kyle Reese (The Terminator): There is something you just can’t quite put your finger on about Michael Biehn, which if you’re a child of the 80’s makes him so cool. Its nothing he does through his performances, he just is somehow. We have seemingly every other character of importance in the Terminator universe in plastic except for the poor beat down Kyle Reese, the man who would die to protect Sarah Connor. We would give him a small arsenal of weapons, pipe bombs, and a beat up picture of Sarah Connor.

55. Orgazmo (Orgazmo): A Mormon turned porn star super hero? This movie is proof that Trey Parker is one of the funniest men working today. We would have Orgazmo as he appears in the porn movies with his trusty orgazmarator and a Jizzmaster Zero to beat the shit out of- Packaged in movie style Orgazmo packaging.

54. Choda Boy (Orgazmo): Yeah he’s way cooler than Orgazmo. He would be sculpted to scale with a real rubber cock on his head for realistic wobbling action. We would also include his utility belt full of sexual aids and because we care we would also include the sight gag du-jour Choda-dog.

53. Teen Wolf (Teen Wolf): Its hard to think of the 80’s and not think of Michael J Fox, more over it’s even harder to think of the 80’s without Teen Wolf. We would sculpt him in full on wolf mode looking cool as fuck playing the air guitar with magnets in his feet so you can mount him on the roof of your van if you want. A special Comic con exclusive basketball teen wolf will also be made for the fans.

52. Mr. Miyagi (The Karate Kid): I don’t know how many times I was getting my ass kicked and I imagined what if I knew a drunken Japanese guy who taught me karate, would I be getting stuffed in a locker now? Probably wouldn’t change a thing but its still a cool fantasy. We would have Miyagi with booze, chop sticks, a banzai tree and a framed photo of his dead wife. Plus a sound byte with his classic wax on wax off Daniel-son speech built into his base.

51. The it’s alive baby (It’s Alive): Larry Cohen is one creative guy. A stab at the dangers of fertility drugs and negligent pharmaceutical companies that make them saw many dangers that were coming and wrapped them into a killer baby you almost never see. But regardless of its lack of screen time you never forget it when you do. We would make a wicker carriage and a tiny killer baby inside ready kill if scared.

50. Reggie Banister (Phantasm 2): You have to be a horror movie fan to truly appreciate Reggie Banister, because if your not he’s just some bald actor. But if you know who he is, he’s one bad ass Hemi Cuda driving dwarf killing badass. Reggie single handedly is the reason I love flannel more than any lesbian or lumber jack ever could. And besides you can’t put the Tall man on this list with out Reggie. We would include his trusty 4 barrel shot gun, a dwarf, a die cast version of his Hemi Cuda and a white floor with some drums full of dwarfs as a base.

49. Farmer Vincent (Motel Hell): An iconic character to a sometimes overlooked drive-in classic, Motel Hell. We would make Farmer Vincent with a chainsaw and a removable pig head to recreate his icon Fangoria #8 cover. And because we are so cheeky we would also stamp the package with a “No Preservatives” logo.

48. Tyler Durden (Fight Club): While we find it inappropriate to have an action figure from a movie that was so anti consumerism we can’t resist. There needs to be a Tyler Durden action figure, how can you not have such an iconic maniac on your shelf to remind you to once in a while to fuck the man. We would pick from one of his many outfits and cocky poses and have his base be sculpted as a bar of soap.

47. Dirty Harry (Dirty Harry): With the recent rumor of there being a possible 6th and final Dirty Harry movie called “Gran turino” we remembered long ago that Harry Callahan was doing whatever it took to keep San Francisco safe from hippies and serial killers one well placed punch and bullet at a time. We would sculpt him pointing his big ass revolver and ready to ask “Did I fire five shots or did I fire six?”

46. Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver): You wouldn’t normally love a completely mentally unhinged character like Travis Bickle but he’s acted so well by Robert DeNiro you really see him as a misunderstood anti-hero. We would make Mr. Bickle with interchangeable Mohawk and non Mohawk heads and if we can figure out the logistics the figure will have a gun slide out of its sleeve. Just keep him away from your Jodi Foster toys.

45. Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.: We got Toxie so we of coarse need his perennial sidekick and never ending gay joke of the Troma universe, Kabukiman. While we know 99% of the world hates and doesn’t understand him, we appreciate his comedic value. He would include a bottle of bourbon, heat seeking chop sticks, and a crazy Kabuki pose.

44. Pee Wee Herman with the best bike in the whole world (Pee Wee’s big adventure): 1, its Pee Wee Herman, idol to any kid from the 80’s worth a damn, and 2, his bike really was the coolest bike ever, so why wouldn’t you want a figure? Pee Wee would be super articulated so not only could he ride his bike but he could also put on his dancing shoes and tear a bar top near you up.

43. Ron Burgundy (Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy): Another surprise I think you weren’t expecting- Ron, glass cage of emotion, whale’s vagina, Burgundy. We would sculpt Ron sitting at his news desk with a glass of scotch and a sound bite, “I’m Ron Burgundy and you stay classy San Diego”

42. The They Live Aliens (They Live): We know we are supposed to hate the outer space metaphor for 80’s era Regan-omics bred yuppies but they are just so fucking cool looking once you actually see them for what they really are. We would sculpt on of these ugly fucks talking into his watch ready to rat you out. The packaging would be stark black with the word consume stamped boldly across the front and would include a stick of gum and some sunglasses.

41. Riki-oh (The story of Ricky): The greatest gore fu movie ever made, period. We would make Riki super articulated and include several rubber goons for him to impale on his fists. A real wooden train in every package!

40. The Bad Taste Aliens (Bad Taste): Peter Jackson’s evil space aliens sent here to harvest us for their space fast food joints, thankfully there are some crazy kiwi’s ready to stop them including Peter Jackson himself. We would include a bowl of green slime, a machine gun, and interchangeable hands, one making a peace sign, the other telling you to fuck off.

39. Trash (Return of the living dead): -“Trash is taking off her clothes again”-Arguably Linnea Quigley’s best role as an actress and defiantly her most memorable. In Return she plays Trash a punk who hates clothes and has a thing for dirty old men. We would sculpt her in her zombie form, chalk white, butt naked and ready to eat some bums.

38. Evil Ed (Fright Night): Stephen Geoffrey’s can play sexually confused and creepy better than anyone ever to appear on screen. Don’t believe me? Watch the classic Fright Night. Evil Ed just oozes an odd tragic horror you can’t look away from and we hope it translates to the figure. We would sculpt Ed with a cross burnt into his forehead wearing his creepy as hell yarn wig with his mouth agape full of sharp teeth.

37. Duane and Belial (Basket Case): From the 80’s grind house classic and subsequent sequels Duane and Belial Bradley the separated Siamese twins with a vengeance. We would sculpt Duane with his arms out to hold a real to scale wicker basket with Belial inside peaking from under the lid ready to kill anyone who comes between him and his beloved brother.

36. The Knights Templar (The Blind Dead): Time to troop build! We would sculpt a base torso and legs and then several sets of heads and arms plus different weapons and mix them accordingly for at least a dozen different variations so if you wanted to you could have an army of the blind dead to listen for your beating heart then tear it out.

35. Lionel Cosgrove w/lawn mower and void (Braindead): From the single goriest film scene ever committed to celluloid comes Lionel Cosgrove with his trusty lawn mower. He would be covered head to toe in gore and holding a blood soaked lawn mower and have a base littered with chewed up zombie parts. He would also include the upper torso of the zombie Void and his removable bendy internal organs.

34. The rest of the Killer Klowns (Killer Klowns from outer space): Yes SOTA has the license to make figures from the property, but sadly they have come out and said they will not be making anymore and that includes the planned second Klown for Now Playing series 4. So this is a basic call for the rest of the Klowns and proper repaints, because having just one is a fucking shame.

33. Angela (Sleepaway camp): While there are two versions of Angela to pick from, one pre teen the other Springsteen’s little sister, we will have the balls to go with the only version you need to have. The super insane reveal of Angela being a man baby from the end of the first movie. We would sculpt Angela stark naked, screaming, man junk flapping in the breeze next to the dead body of Paul.

32. C.H.U.D.: Time to troop build again! We would use the same formula we used with the blind dead, a base body with a few different arms and heads to make it possible for you to display a small army of carnivorous hominoid underground dwellers. We would sculpt them covered in slime and veins, with a base that features a dead bum and a barrel of toxic waste.

31. Dr. Hill (Re-Animator): The perfect foil to Herbert West, the equally obsessed but marginally talented Dr. Hill. We would immortalize David Gale in plastic sans his head. Well that’s half true. We would sculpt Dr. Hill’s headless body with an attachable medical dummy head, his real head which he can hold in his hands, and to pay homage to Bride we would also have Dr. Hills head with bat wings attached. And if we can get away with it we would have a naked Barbra Crampton on a dissection table as an added bonus for Dr. Hill to play with.

30. The Rocketeer: For being one of the greatest superhero movies ever made its iconic hero never gets and merchandising love. We would pay tribute to this classic by sculpting a 7 inch scale super possible Rocketeer, complete with a luger pistol, removable helmet, plastic flames, and a jointed clear plastic control stick so you can pose him flying. He will not only fit into your movie collection he will pose with your marvel legends and DC universe figures as well.

29. Sex Machine (From Dusk Till Dawn): To horror movie fans, Tom Savini is a god, nobody is cooler, nobody is more badass, and his character Sex Machine is the perfect representation of that. We would sculpt him posed ready to kick some vampire ass, with his whip and functioning crotch pistol, with the floor of the Titty Twister as a base.

28. Jack “Meatloaf” Goodman (An American Werewolf in London): Again another ball drop from SOTA. They have the license but sadly you’re not going to see a figure from them. We would sculpt Meatloaf the way you see him the second time, greenish brown, almost a skeleton, and defiantly a zombie. We would include a tiny Mickey Mouse and a sofa chair for him to sit in and warn you about being a werewolf.

27. Tom Atkins (Night of the Creeps): The true 80’s horror movie hero. And while we want to give him his trade mark members only jacket we prefer his trench coated grizzled detective Ray Cameron form from Night of the Creeps. We would include a flame thrower, and a base covered in leaches. Has anyone ever noticed how he always seems to pick up and immediately fucks women in almost all of his movies or am I crazy?

26. Vincent Vega (Pulp Fiction): The movie that reminded you, John Travolta is cool, Pulp Fiction. While we could buy figures of almost any character in this movie there are 2 you really need, Jules and Vincent. We would sculpt Vincent with his black suit, his gun, and a big kahuna burger.

25. Jules (Pulp Fiction): The movie that showed you Samuel Jackson is the baddest Mother Fucker alive. We would also sculpt him in his black suit, give him a gun, a large soft drink, and a real wallet with the words badass motherfucker etched in the side.

24.Roger (Swat) (Dawn of the Dead): While we have our rule of allowing a company to make a figure if they have the license Neca has pretty much showed they aren’t going to take a chance on the humans of Dawn by making the Hare Krishna zombie. We would sculpt Roger with enough joints to pose cool but not hurt the sculpt. He would come with a few guns, a bag of tools, interchangeable bitten limbs and a base with one of the zombies in the film for an added touch.

23. Peter (Swat) (Dawn of the Dead): We would sculpt Ken Foree with enough joints so he could do some pretty kick ass poses with his small arsenal of weapons. He would come with a removable gas mask and a base with Woolly’s dead body.

22. Creature vs. Eugene (Monster Squad): Whats more important, the monsters or the kids from monster squad? Both you assholes. We would first give you the amazing Steve Wang version of the Creature from the Black Lagoon newly risen from the swamp and we would face him off against Eugene and his beagle Pete. The only accessory you would need would be a Twinkie for creature to steal. This pack would also include a letter to the army guys.

21. Dracula vs. Sean (Monster Squad): We would sculpt one of the greatest on screen Dracula’s ever (defiantly the most menacing) complete with 3 different heads, on normal, one hissing and one burnt by pizza, we would also include a stick of dynamite and his wolf head cane. To provide an underage foe we would include the leader of the Monster Squad, Sean wearing his Stephen King rules shirt and his member’s only jacket plus a stake and Van Helsing’s Diary as accessories. As an added bonus we would include a set of Monster Squad business cards.

20. Frankenstein and Phoebe (Monster Squad): You want to know what makes me cry? When Frankenstein gets sucked into limbo as Phoebe tries desperately to save his life, that moment brings me to tears every time. We would sculpt Frankenstein and Phoebe with enough articulation to hold his giant index finger. We would also include the amulet, scraps, and some dress up stuff for Frankenstein to wear. As an added bonus we would include a page from Van Helsing’s diary so you too can recite the words to open limbo-that is if you’re a virgin.

19. The Mummy vs. Rudy (Monster Squad): I still want to be as cool as Rudy. We would painstakingly sculpt every detail of the rotting mummy, every bandage, and we would be sure not to miss his trade mark limp. We would also include his sarcophagus for a cool display add on. And to ruin his day we would give you the cool as fuck Rudy, with his collar hiked, bow and arrow in hand, and cigarette dangling from his mouth with removable shades. As an added bonus we would include a Polaroid of Patrick’s sister.

18. Wolfman vs. Horace (Monster Squad): No we will not call him “Fat Kid” and this set ranks highest because of Horace. We would sculpt Wolfman crouched and ready to strike with his blown apart corpse as an added accessory. We would pit him against Horace and give him a slice of garlic pizza, a combat shot gun, and kicking action so he can kick Wolfman in the Nards. As an added bonus we would include a replica map to shadow brook lane.

(Editors note: Buy all five Monster Squad sets and send in the 5 U.P.C.’s to receive the special Patrick/Scary German Guy set)

17. Pluto (The Hills Have Eyes-77’): Michael Berryman is the ugliest man working in show business today, perhaps ever. But that’s not to say he’s also one of the coolest most down to earth people you could ever meet and I’ve personally seen him land lots of hot tail at conventions. Why even after they remade the hills have eyes and gave the remake a sequel nobody made his beyond iconic character Pluto from the original film. We would sculpt him ugly as possible and include a pile of knifes and killing implements for him to use and as a pack in we would give you Beast, the German Shepard he just can seem to best.

16. Leprechaun: Another dropped ball by SOTA. There are some great photos of the prototype sculpt out there that somebody should just by and put out there (NECA?). Leprechaun is defiantly one of the big guns out there to yet have a figure. He has an entire franchise and yet the most love he has got is a hard to find bendy toy. We wouldn’t change a thing about the sculpt that is already out there, we may include a gold coin for ya though just for fun.

15. Chuck Norris (as himself): Chuck Norris from sometime in the 80’s, shirtless with flocked chest hair and real Norris sweat baked into each figure. He would be super articulated for any number of roundhouse kick poses and would be the only figure ever made to include the “Kill” action feature. Yes that’s right even his toy can kill you if it wants to.

14. Alex Delarge (A Clockwork Orange): Malcolm McDowell immortalized himself and this classic character with his performance as a destructive teen and a crumbling future. We would sculpt Alex in his Droog outfit with his trusty cane, a removable hat, and a glass of milk. Droogs don’t run!

13. The Fulci Zombie (Zombie 2): An iconic character that was on screen for less than a minute. If any image comes to mind when people think of the godfather of gore, Fulci, it’s the zombie who rises from his island grave to take a bite out on an unsuspecting victim’s neck. His look and makeup have become a part of zombie imagery that fans everywhere recognize and this figure will further solidify that. We would sculpt him simply standing with maggots crawling from his skull and his disturbed grave as a base.

12. Julie (Return of the Living Dead 3): A fan favorite to be sure. Why? Because to a horror fan she’s stunning and even though she’s a flesh hungry zombie we would take a chance and try to cop a feel or two. We would sculpt her in her final pimped out zombie form and we wouldn’t be afraid to show her amazing boobs, retail friendly be damned.

11. Tallman- Lets face it; the first Tallman NECA gave us sucked. We would re sculpt the figure head to toe to look more as he does in Phantasm 2. We would include a case with the 3 sentinel spheres as they appear in the movie and interchangeable parts so you can recreate his embalming accident.

10. Christopher Lee as Frankenstein’s Monster (The Curse of Frankenstein): To think that Hammer Horror wouldn’t sell is a crime. We would Sculpt the creature with a little more detail so the toy doesn’t come off as weak as the makeup at the time, he would include one half of Dr. Frankenstein’s lab as his base and include the table in which he is born on.

9. Peter Cushing as Dr. Frankenstein (The Curse of Frankenstein): Peter Cushing without a doubt played Dr. Frankenstein better than anyone, he was the greatest type of villain, the type that thought he was right in playing god, no matter what the cost. We would sculpt every odd feature of Cushing’s sunken features and include the second half of his lab with every medical tool he needs and jars full of failed experiments.

8. Peter Cushing as Dr. Van Helsing (The Horror of Dracula): Another role Cushing pretty much owned. He brought wit and intelligence to the role where others hadn’t and every time I see Hopkins try it in Bram Stoker’s Dracula I can’t help but scream plagiarism. We would sculpt Cushing in his coat and suit with every possible vampire killing implement we can fit on the bubble for him to use against his mortal foe.

7. Christopher Lee as Count Dracula (The Horror of Dracula): Greatest Dracula ever, better than Lugosi! Yeah I said it, better than fucking Lugosi. And while we recognize there was an official/non official 12 inch Lee Dracula doll released a while ago we are far from satisfied. We would sculpt Dracula with 2 different heads, normal, and red eyed with his fangs out ready to suck a nubile beauty dry. We would also include a castle Dracula floor base with an in descript female victim for Lee to enjoy.

6. Pennywise the clown (It): Finally we get into Stephen King territory. A clown that lives in a sewer that eats kids, only Stephen King could think of something that horrible, and only could Tim Curry bring it to life. We would sculpt Pennywise the dancing clown next to a sewer drain holding some balloons. We would include a second fanged head, a paper boat and a little boys arm as accessories. They all float down here Ritchie!

5. Jack Torrance (The Shining): Stephen King hates this movie. Why? Who cares that it’s far removed from the source material, it’s an amazing movie. We will take Nicholson any day over that dude from wings. We would sculpt Mr. Torrance with his trusty fire axe, a splintered door/bathroom base and the packaging would be covered in one sentence “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”

4. The Kessler Wolf (An American Werewolf in London): This time we won’t be mad at SOTA, the Kessler Wolf they had planned looked like crap, so it’s good that it never came out. We would go to John Landis’s house and make 100% sure we were sculpting the Wolf to perfection. We would give him a London Underground base with one of his first victims ripped to pieces.

3. Carrie (Carrie): This is such a no brainer I don’t even know if I need to waste my time describing it. Ok for the 1% that hasn’t seen Carrie we would sculpt Sissy Spacek naked and covered in tampons from her famous shower scene. Yes I’m kidding. We would actually have Carrie covered in pigs blood from the worlds worst practical joke with a flaming stage base, her eyes in a blank yet violent stare ready to get her revenge.

2. Tar Man (Return of the Living Dead): It has taken months for us to figure out who is number 1 and who is number 2. Well here is your answer. Tar Man is arguably the coolest zombie ever committed to film and it’s a crime he doesn’t have a toy, a bust, a fucking sock puppet, anything at all to show for it. We would sculpt the slimy bastard with as many joints as possible so you can pose him as you see fit. We would include a basement base with 2 barrels of Tri-Toxin, a split dog, and the chewed upper torso of Suicide. The base would also include a sound bite. “Brains….more brains”

1. Herbert West, ReAnimator (ReAnimator): And the gold medal for most wanted action figure goes to none other than Herbert West. Why is we don’t have Herbert West yet is anyone’s guess. Jeffrey Combs is notoriously hard to deal with apparently and thinks he actually looks like Brad Pitt and not a guy who reanimates corpses with glowing green liquid. We would sculpt Dr. West holding his glowing syringe high with a look of madness on his face. We would also include an operating table complete with reanimated cat, and Dr. Hills pissed off head in a tray.

BOX SETS: In no particular order

17. Guitar Wolf (Wild Zero): Guitar wolf, Bass wolf and Drum wolf all in iconic poses with their instruments ready to kill some zombies. A button on the base will have them scream ROCK AND ROLL and shot a little guitar pick at your face when pushed.

16. ED-209: They still haven’t taken a chance on poor ED-209. So what if his only foe is the modern staircase, he’s a fucking amazing robot design from Rob Bottin. We would give you ED-209 in the 7 inch scale with sound and lights plus die-cast everywhere we can fit it.

15. Willy Wonka and some Oompa Loompas: I honestly can’t believe I almost forget classic Willy Wonka. We would try to pack as much of Gene Wilder’s weird performance into a 7 inch scale figure and give him 3 or 4 Oompa Loompa’s to trot around him set to the Oompa Loompa song sound byte. We would also include the Wonka garden as a base with part of the chocolate river thrown in.

14. Everyone we have yet to get that’s worth getting from Land of the Dead (Land of the Dead): They just don’t fit into the regular list so lets just shove them into one big ass box. Riley, Cholo, Zombie Cholo, Slack, Charlie, Number 9, Chihuahua and a die cast Dead Reckoning.

13. The rising of Roger scene (Dawn of the Dead): The turning point of the film and easily the most memorable scene. We would sculpt Zombie Roger with a real cloth bed sheet so you can pose him at any state of death or undeath, we would also include an inter changeable gunshot head for his final moments

12. Burt vs. the Graboid (Tremors): This was supposed to be released from SOTA but was canceled do to lack of retail interest. Well we call bullshit. We wouldn’t change a damn thing about the proposed SOTA release and get the pre existing prototype tooled ASAP.

11. Mark Borchardt and Mike Schank (American Movie): If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I highly recommend it. We would give you these 2 would be film legends with tons of editing and camera equipment and a coke for Mike. Yes I know this choice makes little to no sense but I deeply respect these 2.

10. The Nerds- All of them (Revenge of the Nerds): Our knee jerk thought is well just give them Booger; he’s the only one that counts. But really it’s our imaginary toy company so fuck it we want them all. Booger, Skolnick, Gilbert, Poindexter, Wormser, Lamar, Takashi, and yes Ogre too. We would stuff them all in one big ass box and include a tri lamda patch for your enjoyment.

9. The McManus Brothers and II Duce (The Boondock Saints): In lots of ways this movie has slipped between the cracks, it’s a shame too. We would sculpt the brothers, and their father, II Duce, with their guns pointed at the back of a would be mafia goon.

8. Bill S. Preston-Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan plus Death (Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey): The greatest band of all time, Wild Stallions, just before they were great. While the first movie is great the second is even better. We would give you Bill, Ted, Death and the phone booth along with all guitars for B and T a scythe and stand up base for Death.

7. Deckard vs. Roy Batty (Blade Runner): Rick Deckard and Roy Batty with the roof top as their final battle ground. We would give you 2 very articulated figures in Deckard and Batty with a very detailed rooftop as a base. There will also be plenty of interchangeable heads, and a broken hand or two for realism.

6. Jerry Dandridge vs. Charlie Brewster and Peter Vincent (Fright Night): We would give you all 3 forms of Jerry Dandridge, man, vampire, and bat to face off against Charlie Brewster, Peter Vincent and a whole pile of vampire killing accessories.

5. The Good, The Bad, And the Ugly: The man with no name, the ruthless bounty hunter and the spineless thief all set to face off in a cemetery base. How this property has gotten nothing but mini mates is beyond us.

4. Seth Gecko, Richard Gecko and Satanico Pandemonium (From Dusk till Dawn): We would give you the Gecko brothers, with their trusty side arms, an alternate hand and vampire head for Richard, and a jack hammer for Seth. Satanico would attach to a table base and her snake would wrap around her shoulders nicely. And while we would love to give you the vampire version of Ms. Pandemonium, Salma Hayek is just too hot.

3. Marty, Doc, and the DeLorean (Back to the Future): Right off the first poster (sorta) Marty lifting his shades to check his watch and Doc right behind him doing the same. The real gem of this piece though would be the incredibly detailed DeLorean with light up flux capacitor inside, and flaming tire tracks for good measure.

2. The Nightbreed (Nightbreed): Again there are just too many to pick from and sell individually, who’s more important, Peloquin or Decker? Well don’t answer we are just going to give you as many as we possibly can. Peloquin, Decker, Boone, Narcisse, Ashberry, The Berserkers, as many as we can possibly make and fit into a box- your going to get!

1. “The Family” (Near Dark): This above everything I listed has the best chance of getting made. Why? Because it’s sadly being remade, so one would assume interest in the original would be at an all time high very soon. We would give you the four main family members, (Fuck Caleb and Mae) Jesse, Severen (Both normal and burnt versions included), Diamondback and Homer, and we would have them look well just intimidating as fuck. For fun we would include a real stirrup for you to wear and become part of the gang.

18 Inch Figures:

5. The Blob (Remake): This would actually be in the 7 inch scale but because the fucker was so big, why not. We would cast it in clear red softer plastic with several melted people floating around inside. Simple, and fun

4. The Bull (Reign of Fire): A very under appreciated movie. We would sculpt the alpha male dragon with detachable flames that clip into his moving maw. He would also come with a steel rod to insert into his abdomen so he can be posed flying, sturdy ratcheted shoulder joints to support the massive wings and a tiny Matthew McConaughey for him to fight.

3. Klown Zilla (Killer Klowns from outer space): Because we have the rest of the Klowns, you have to have the biggest, baddest klown of them all.

2. Wicker Man (The Wicker Man): We want to show our love of this movie, in particular, we too want to appease our pagan gods. We would have the entire piece made from fake plastic wicker, with various compartments that you can open and insert livestock and a small Sgt. Howie. It would all attach to a larger burning base that has a sound byte of Sgt Howie screaming 23 psalm in defiance as he burns to death.

1. The Prophecy Bear (The Prophecy): You know you want it. Whats not to love about a giant mutant killer bear that clearly inspired everything GWAR ever did? We would include 2 mutant offspring and a crazy mutant bear roar sound byte.