A Knowing New Year’s Eve

By Rhonda Baughman

Reveler 1: Oh Christ – another movie where kiddie conduits know something adult assholes don’t and a secret code saves the world and fuck, Nic Cage is in this – will someone just pull down her panties?

Reveler 2: Had to explain the time capsule in the film to younger audience members who might not know what it is … fuck, if saving the world means employing Nic Cage to interpret shit, I’d just rather die. I haven’t liked him since Valley Girl. Maybe Wild at Heart if I were high. I’m not wearing panties.

Reveler 3: Is it New Year’s yet?

Reveler 2: No Dad, it’s only 1030pm.

Reveler 3: Fuck. Where’s my beer?

Reveler 2: In your hand.

Reveler 1: The tax jokes are too easy with this one …

Reveler 2: But very plentiful …

Reveler 2:

At 1035pm - I pour my first glass of J&B, one rock.

At 11:34pm – I pour my second glass of J&B, two rocks.

At 11:48pm – a cock ring comes out. I go to bed.

At midnight – it is 2010 and I am asleep – the cock ring, I suspect, is bringing in the new year – and I do not ask who comes with it.