Bootlegs 101
By Michael O'May
Lesson 1
Bootlegging in the world of movie fandom is one of two things. The selling of movies or media not available on DVD currently to the public for profit, these would be the guys you see at flea markets selling the final season of the Sopranos and “Legit” copies of “30 days of night” on DVD. The other form is done from collector to collector and deals strictly in media that can be considered lost or neglected. Things like TV movies, strange imports, the most common however is a movie that hasn’t and has no signs of making it to DVD for whatever reason.
This is a first in a series of articles to teach you the ins and outs of a confusing and complicated hobby, bootlegging.
Lesson 1: The hunt
For this tutorial I will use the TV movie “Welcome home Jellybean”
Step One: eBay:
Let’s say you know exactly what movie you’re looking for. Before you go all Indiana Jones looking for the sucker check the one place it will pop up first. eBay. If it has a legitimate DVD release or someone else has bootlegged it so you don’t have to it will be on eBay. Furthermore if it exists in VHS, BETA, or Laserdisc forms it will (if you’re lucky) pop up on eBay. For example I will use the hardest to find bootleg I have ever come across, “Welcome Home Jellybean”.
Go ahead check eBay. It’s not there, in any form. Why you ask?
Step Two: Research.
It’s called the internet, use it numb nuts. The best place to start for any movie is imdb.com it will usually give you some clues as to what kind of release if any the subject had to the public. Again in the case of Jellybean there isn’t shit which is a good sign there wasn’t any kind of mass release.
From here just start doing basic searches to see what you can find. This is a TV movie based on a popular book so it is difficult to sift out what you want. Sadly because I have traveled this road before I know you’re only going to find one thing, the devil himself.
Step Three: The dig.
Before you go make a deal you may regret there are a few overlooked avenues you can check for your lost movie, whatever it may be.
- The library: This is actually an amazing resource. Libraries rent movies, they have for a long time and most people forgot that. Not only do they have a stockpile of VHS, DVD and sometimes Beta and Laserdisc they also have TV movies if they are an educational tool. For example you want to show the movie version of the book your class is reading, like “Welcome Home Jellybean” you can request a copy of the video made specifically for a teaching tool. Through searching the electronic database at the library I found there actually was a copy of the VHS available in the Wisconsin school system. Sadly I couldn’t make a transfer happen due to cuts in New York State library system. This however is a great untapped place to look if you can navigate the red tape.
- Mom and pop video stores: Blockbuster video and netflix haven’t totally killed the locally owned video store yet. First and foremost get in your car and start going to out of the way rural towns near you. If there is no Blockbuster within 20 miles chances are you’ll find a local video store that’s been around sense the early 80’s that still rents (and more than likely sells) old VHS, BETA and Laserdisc. If you’re looking local you have to look for the only thing that will keep your video store alive when fighting with a major chain, they must rent Porn! So once you find “One eyed Willy’s video emporium” not only look for the movie your hunting for, check out the other rare shit I guarantee you they have.
Step Four: The Bargain:
There is only one man on the planet who gives a shit about “Welcome Home Jellybean” beyond me and that’s Normal Bob Smith, a.k.a. Beelzebub of normalbobsmith.com. Bob Smith is a guy who spends his time pissing off Christians mostly by making crucified Jesus dress up dolls. I think its funny but whatever. Bob ran an article on his site about the 10 worst movies ever made and Jellybean came in #2 under Dream a little Dream 2, it just so happens he tapped it off TV and used it for screen caps. This is as far as you know they only copy left alive.
No joke I emailed this guy for 3 years asking for a copy of his copy of Jellybean with no response. It wasn’t until I promised to make him a stack of DVD burns, put it on youtube, and copy other VHS as well as pay for all shipping did he finally agree to lend me his VHS copy of Jellybean. Quite the extensive process to get a very shitty copy of Jellybean but like I said it’s probably the only one available anywhere. Sometimes for a movie as good (bad) as Jellybean you have to make some sacrifices.
This is the first in an ongoing series about bootlegs by yours truly so I hope you enjoy the class you jelly brained fucks.
Visit normalbobsmith.com
