So today's movie is one of the sequels to George A. Romaro's classic Night of the Living Dead. Now, I bet your saying "But Nick, you fucking retard, Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead are the sequels to Night of the Living Dead" And I would like to agree with you, but you are only half right, and by my definition being half right makes you half a fucking retard.

You may only remember George A. Romaro as king shit when it comes to writing zombie movies. But if you actually paid attention to the writing credits, like a smart little pathetic loser that has nothing better to do than remember pointless details of movies, that there were actually two (count 'em, two) writers that wrote the screenplay for the original Night of the Living Dead. Romaro, and John A. Russo. Russo and Romaro had their own original ideas for where they wanted to take Night of the Living Dead, which neither of them could agree on working on together. So they parted company, and split the rights so that they could do their own respective sequels

Russo's opus was Return of the Living Dead, which was written around the time Romaro was doing Dawn of the Dead. The screenplay was picked up by Tom Fox, who then set up production and gave the script to Dan O'Bannon. O'Bannon thought it was too serious an attempt at doing a sequel to Night of the Living Dead, and began rewriting it to be more humorous, feeling that he didn't want to invade in Romaro's realm.

So children, that's when in 1985, they released Return of the Living Dead upon the masses. The Return of the Living Dead franchise, upon the time of this writing, has spawned 3 sequels (and neither of them are that great) and two more that are currently in production (it looks like they're both being made at the same time.)

So with this little history lesson put in mind, we join our adventure already in progress:

So what happens when punk rawkin' Freddy gets a job at the local medical surplus store? He finds out that they stored the canisters of living dead (because apparently the movie Night of the Living Dead was true!) then him and his goofy co-worker accidentally break open one of the canisters awaking one of the dead bodies in the morgue room, and allowing the zombie in the canister inside to get free, and they're coated with the stuff that has kept the dead sedated.

Meanwhile, Freddy's pals all decide to go and wait for him to get off work at the cemetery conveniently places near the medical surplus store.

Freddy and his co-worker wake up and have to call the boss and ask him how they should deal with the naked yellow skinned man running around the place. They try to kill the zombie like it was done in the movie, but find that it doesn't work, so they chop it up into bits and bring it to the crematorium next door.

The embalmer burns the body, by the smoke gets into the rain clouds overhead, and when it rains, the dead begin to rise in the grave yard.

The party animals, Freddy, his boss, co-worker, and the embalmer now must fight off an army of the dead. Soon, Freddy and his co-worker begin to succumb to the gas they have been exposed to and become the living dead and the party animals are getting slowly wiped out.

Meanwhile, the zombies are tricking more and more people to come to the rescue and turning them into zombies.

To end it all up, the military learns where their missing canisters of zombies are and blows it up with a nuclear bomb. However, the smoke of the burning pile of zombies gets into the atmosphere and the next time it rains the dead begin to rise again.

Oh, I believe it.

Ernest Goes to the Warehouse. "Hey Vern!"

I would have been cool enough to hang out with these guys if I could go back to the 80's

"So guys, why are we hanging out with Millie Vanillie & Heather Langenkamp? "

Cryogenics is still in the testing phase I see.

"Then the asshole at the hardware store asked me if I wanted a lock for my chain...".

Okay, now with the plot out of the way, let's talk about this movie:

1.) I think one of the more interesting elements to this movie is the fact that everyone has such high hopes that whatever was true in the movie will work in "real" life. It appears that in this movie, no matter what you do, the zombies cannot be killed, and dead flesh need not have a brain attached to it to operate and is not necessarily a human phenomenon (shown with the half a dog, and the butterflies in the medical surplus store.)

2.) The movie is so 80's it hurts, it's like someone took a Molly Ringwald movie and dressed everyone up like punks and threw in some zombies in for good measure.

3.) The soundtrack is also pretty good, it features the likes of bands like The Cramps, The Flesh Eaters, Roky Erickson, & The Damned.

4.) The special effects were also very well done all things considered.

5.) To add to the absurdity of the whole movie (which was intentionally done may I point out) is the ending where the commanding officer in the military decides to blow up the zombie filled area with an atomic bomb.

6.) The skinny zombie is really a very skinny male ballerina or dancer or something, his graceful movements add an extra layer of creepiness.

7.) This is, as far as I know, the first movie where they've presented the modern zombie (The brain eating undead creatures made popular by Romaro and his lot, as opposed to the more traditional mythical versions.) with any sort of intelligence, and they're a lot more limber and fast moving.

So when did gothic chicks go from being slutty to snobby in the last 20 years?

"Blame it on the rain "

"I guess you can say you have a SPLITTING headache! Oh man, how's that for PICKING my brain for a good joke? "

"Honey you have to eat something you're all skin and bones. "

You know that you're special little zombie should seek therapy should they develop an eating disorder."

"Are you guys from the union? "

"Lady that's the quite the rack you go there... rack of ribs! HAW HAW HAW HAW! "

A foreshadowing of the success of the sequels to this film.

One comment on how this skeleton looks like one of the ones from Army of Darkness and I'll punch you. I'm NOT going to fucking review any of the Evil Dead movies, so stop fucking asking!!!!