Fucking Comics: Transformers #10 Part 3: The Ballad of Bomber Bill

That night, Bomber Bill continues to track the construction vehicles (I suppose that if you want to be a trucker, to be a master tracker when it comes to hunting for vechiles is a big assette) along the way he sees the Autobot team drive past (and for anyone who cares about continuity it states the Autobots who are going by are Hound, Bluestreak, Sideswipe and Ironhide. Which is incorrect. Sideswipe isn't in this issue at all. Oh my god.) He tries to flag them down, but to no avail. As he's standing in the middle of the road Huffer is about to drive past. Bomber Bill then stops Huffer and hops in and realizes that there is nobody driving.

At this point, possibly one of the most disturbing lines I've heard in a Transformers comic is said "I am Huffer. You sit within me." That's fucking creepy if you ask me. Bomber Bill demands that he is let out, but these demands are ignored, and when we next see ol' Bomber Bill he seems to be okay with the fact that he's sitting inside a talking truck.

But before we get to that point, the Decepticons have arrived at their location, a mountain top where a radio telescope is in location. The Constructicons dump their load, and Soundwave (oh, he's the guy who transforms into a tape deck. Yeah. Don't ask) sets up a communication barrier so nobody can spy on them (and we all know how well that is going to work)

Oh come on, we all know what's making the room shaking. I think we just found out where Bomber Bill got his nickname from.

Here's a question though: Where did the carton of milk come from?

The Constructicons then use their powers to convert the trucks they stole into a powerful radio transmitter (uh, what?) While this is happening, the Autobots show up. Apparently they were able to find the Decepticons because Bumblebee was following them (How they could have missed the fact that a yellow Volkswagon was following them is beyond me. But then
Am I the only one who doesn't find the phrase "I am Huffer. You sit within me." fucking creepy? I get a shudder every time I read that line.

again, they are snot green and purple construction vehicles, what do they really know about driving around unnoticed?)

Bumblebee shows the other Autobots the giant radio transmitter that the Decepticons built, the Autobots are then spotted (not exactly that great at sneaking up on the enemy are they?) Bomber Bill notices his truck was left untouched (of course) and goes to it's rescue while the Constructicons are ordered to combine into Devastator. Devastator. has possibly the most uninspiring transformation sequence, and if your looking for a big huge battle between the Autobots and Devastator. Forget it. Not going to happen.

Oh, and if that wasn't enough excitement for you, we also have to sit through a panel of Bomber Bill trying to turn over his trucks engine. As the Autobots are getting their asses handed to them, Iron Hide orders Huffer to go and destroy the radio tower.

Right, let's send the some sick guy who wants to conquer his home world to destroy the one thing he's got a huge boner for accomplishing. While Soundwave yells at Devastator. to destroy Huffer, the Autobots yelling at Huffer to destroy the tower, and Huffer lolly gagging about accomplishing his mission, Soundwave manages to send his message to Cybertorn.

Of course, when Huffer finally snaps out of it, he goes after Soundwave only to get knocked out by Devastator. Bomber Bill hearing this exchange decides to risk his

What the fuck is this supposed to be? I'm quite sure the writer was asking for "six robots combining" not a big green piece of shit falling apart.

life by driving his truck towards the radio tower. This severs the cable that was the only thing keeping Soundwave from killing Bomber Bill (see, I told you that you didn't need to be smart to be a trucker)

Just when Soundwave is going to do something great like throw Bomber Bill (truck and all) off the mountain, Huffer takes that particular moment to wake up from his nap and punch Soundwave out from behind.

Soundwave then orders a retreat, and this isn't one of those retreats in the cartoon where the bad guys are foiled, this is a "We've accomplished our mission and to fight these guys is a waste of time" retreat, and Soundwave and the Constructicons leave the scene.

After the Decepticons retreat, Huffer apologizes for his actions, and all the

The entire planet might be at risk of desctruction, and what do you decide to do in the heat of the battle? Taking a fucking nape. I'm starting to see why you've dragged this war on so long.

Autobots take some advice from Bomber Bill about how being away from home "eats at your insides." You know it's a bit of a stretch where a guy who probably has a hard time finding an article of clothing without any beer stains on it has to be the one giving advice to a group of highly advanced sentient robots from outer space.

It all amounts to Bomber Bill telling Huffer that we all make mistakes. I sure hope the writer, artist, and colorist of this book was taking notes from this because they really should take their own advice at this point.

Anyway, things end on a down-note at the end of this issue. Sure, why not. I mean the kids reading this comic back in the 80's were probably already pretty depressed with the shitty art and stupid story. But when Bomber Bill finishes his little monologue about how people react when getting home is involved, Huffer responses that while Bomber Bill gets to go home to his family, Huffer cannot. And well if the kids aren't crying yet, the story ends with Shockwave pissed off that Optimus Prime had not given life to Jetfire, and that if he doesn't Optimus Prime will be destroyed.

Ooooh... I wonder how it's going to go! Well not to worry, they don't kill Optimus Prime for another 14 issues, and even then they save his mind on a 5" floppy disc (the fuck?)

So in conclusion what did we have to show for this issue of Transformers? Well first and foremost, we had a shitty story that centered on a trucker named Bomber Bill. Let's forget about developing characters for the 20 odd Transformers

I hope he's going to throw that fucking trucker of a cliff.

I'd also like to point out that the battle is won with one kidney punch. God I hate this comic.

and the six new additions that were introduced in this issue. Let's focus on a trucker, and then on a minor character like Huffer, who's only characteristic is that he's home sick.

The art is another thing all together. Artist Richardo Villamonte is a terrible artist. But what do you expect when the guys only claim to fame was drawing "Crystar, Crystal Warrior"? This issue has possibly the worst art I've ever seen in any Transformers comic. I know that they didn't want to shell out any good money on previously established artists but this guy was awful. Not only was his style really sloppy, but the detail always changed, there was no continuity, but there was also no perspective in most of his panels. No perspective. Characters sizes constantly changed as well. How did a sloppy artist like this even get a job working at Marvel? His artwork isn't made any better from the blatant sloppiness of the colorist (Nel Yomtov, who colored all 80 issues of the Transformers series, and never picked up a fucking clue the whole time.)

Way to harsh my mellow you fuck.

All in all, this is one of those issues that when you look at it, you wonder how the fuck the series could have lasted 80 issues with this sort of shoddy quality going into it's early issues. I suppose you can chalk that all up to brand power if anything else.

Well that concludes this edition of Fucking Comics. Be around for our next edition where we take a look at yet another commercial property turned comic book character: Godzilla. I know you're going to hate it!

Also, for those of you at home who wish to read Transformers #10, your in luck because it has recently been reprinted (Along with almost all of Marvels Transformers run) in tradepaper back in Transformers: New Order so check it out.

 

Next - Previous - Back