Aqualad tries to get revenge on the surface world for all the times humans have peed in his ocean homeland. It doesn't go to well. |
Our story begins in the quiet town of Hatton Corners where the on going struggle between adults and teenagers still rage. While the adults believe that teenagers are lazy who have to work more for less money have have curfews, the teens believe that all grown ups are square and that the curfew should be nixed, not fixed.
Now, I'm thinking it must have been a slow news day because this civil unrest does manage to make the newspaper in Gotham City, and get broadcast time on the news marquee in Central City, getting the attention of Batman, and the Flash as well as their young wards Robin and Kid Flash. Uh, this was 1964, wouldn't there be a lot more news focused on the nation wide protest of Vietnam? Why are they reporting a story about discipline problems in a small town in the dick end of nowhere? Was this an odd military protest free day or something?
Ah, but here's the joy of the Teen Titans: Although it wasn't |
prevalent in this issue, in further issues the Teen Titans embraced the Hippie culture, however they were ever faithful to the United States government, often going on missions for them. Got to love the cold war propaganda in comics huh? Getting back to the story, it's learned that the teenagers of Hatton Corners have asked Robin and Kid Flash to come to their town and help their cause. After asking permission of their respective heroes, they go off on their adventure.At the bottom of the sea we see Aquaman bringing Aqualad a message in a bottle from the kids of Hatton Corners inviting Aqualad to come and help them out as well. A message in a bottle. Let's stop for a second and think about this: Aqualad usually hangs out in the ocean, and water accounts for 70% of the surface of the Earth, not to mention the fact that all the worlds oceans make up for 321,000,000 cubic miles of that 70%, I don't think a message in a bottle would be an effective method of communicating with Aqualad. Assuming people on the surface would even think about contacting Aqualad, I highly doubt that Aqualad would even see a fraction of these messages. It would be more likely that they were picked up by illegal Russian trout fishermen out in international waters, who would laugh over these messages over bottles of vodka. |
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| The humble beginnings of the Teamsters Union. They probably buried Jimmy Hoffa right under this very club house. |
Later, Robin, Aqualad and Kid Flash all meet at the teen club house of Hatton Corners, which is in ruins. They then decide to go into town and find out what happened. There they find all the towns people gathered at city hall reading a note that apparently came from the towns teenagers explaining that they have left. Why is it that in the 50's and 60's whenever anything slightly important happens people all gathered at the city hall? I mean don't these people fear about losing their jobs? Have we become so apathetic to what's going on in our towns, that something as silly as hard water won't bring us into an uproar at city hall?
The note itself reads (in rhyme of course): "All us cats decided to skip/Until adults to the music get hip/Build a new clubhouse!/Hatton Corner Teens" This of course angers the adults. However, Robin suspects something more sinister happening: That the note is a forgery. Why does Robin think this? Well for the hipster that he is, apparently he believes that the kids would have used the word "jive" as opposed to "music" in their lame "I'm running away from home note". They decide the best way to prove to it to the adults is to find proof, so the adults would believe them. Kid Flash and Aqualad agree, saying the one word that -- thanks to reading many Teen Titans stories -- I grind my teeth, because it is so constantly used. That word is: Check. I fucking hate the word "Check" in fact, do not use it as an affirmative around me or I will hit you. In the face. With a hatchet.
So Robin has Kid Flash run around looking for clues, and has Aqualad looking around the sea cost to try and find any hint of where the teens might have gone. I think that the only reason Robin had Aqualad check the sea coast so that the useless shit head would feel like he has a practical application being a member of the team. Which further proves my theory that Aqualad is a fucking joke worse than Aquaman.
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As this search is going on, a giant tornado forms just outside of the town, and Robin helps get the people of the town to safety. This involved locking them up in the local banks vault. I don't know about you reading this at home, but I'm quite sure putting people in a bank vault will result in a lot of missing money. But nobody ever said that Robin was very smart. This is further proved when there is no room for him so he's left to grasp onto the vaults door for dear life as the tornado rips the bank apart.
Of course, Robin is sucked up into the air and we finally get the first look of our bad guy. And get ready for it, because it's a doozy. Sit down, get comfy, and make sure there isn't nothing to bang your head on when the shock of what you are about to read makes you jump up and bang your head....
The villain is a guy named Mr. Twister, he is decked out in a quaker hat, a pigeon feathered cape, and has a magic tomahawk. Oh and he looks like a Gin soaked hobo and is missing a tooth.
Now when I try to envision a fearsome foe, I don't usually picture someone who looks like a bug shit crazy Independence Day recreationist with a drinking problem. Being able to create tornados be damned, if I can't look at you without laughing so hard that my bladder releases you don't make for a very threatening villain.
But get ready friends, it's only going to get worse from here.... Trust me on this. |
| All the years of promoting oatmeal has finally gotten to the Quaker and he's gone bug shit crazy. |
So Kid Flash makes it back into town (Aqualad is probably still swimming around the sea front, poor dope) and saves Robin from a nasty fall. Kid Flash then tries to go after the evil Mr. Twister. Twister zaps him with lightening bolts from his magic staff.
Kid Flash survives the attack, by apparently vibrating while he was struck by the lightning. Now, I'm not a physicist or anything, but I don't think that vibrating really fast makes a human being any less of a conductor for lightening bolts.
The mayor and towns people exit from the bank vault (probably with full pockets) and realize the man terrorizing the Teen Titans is none other than a guy named Brom Stikk (which would be a very appropriate name if he had a BROOM STICK) |
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| The only thing you should think is at risk with this guy running around is probably your grandpa's liquor cabinet. |
Anyway, Mr. Twister then laughs at the mayor stating that he is getting his revenge on Hatton Corners as he is the one who kidnapped all the teenagers, and that the towns people will never see them again unless his demands are met. Mr. Twister departs, leaving us wondering what will happen next!!
Well, okay maybe not. But get ready for part 2 of the story, because it will be a doozy. I suggest you get yourself a stiff drink, because your going to need it to get through the rest of this story because it gets even more wacky as it goes along. |
