Review of NYX #1 by Marvel Comics

Joe Quesada, who presently is the Editor in Cheif at Marvel decided one day that maybe he should start a new book and try to hawk it to the masses.

What he shat out was NYX #1, a book which apparently has a lot of hype (In fact, Wizard will probably be calling the "Hottest" book of the month... And really, Wizard using the word "Hot" to describe a comic book is pretty fucking creepy.)

Not all of the book was bad, just most of it. So let me explain in great detail why I think this book sucks, and then quickly gloss over the good points.. Because as a critic, I'm supposed to be bitter and always point out bad things because of my frustraition and inibility to do anything better (See: Roger Ebert.)

Now I have to say that the first sign you should stop reading a comic.. ANY comic.. Is when some E-I-C of a comic book company has a mid-life crisis and writes a book about a 16 year old girl who doesn't "fit in." Because the question that it poses is that, how does a middle aged, white male, know anything about the turbulant life of a 16 year old girl that lives in New York City?

Our story begins with a flashback (OF COURSE!) setting up the backstory of our heroine is going to visit her daddy (who is a cop, OF COURSE) and she's supposed to be a diversionary tactic so mommy can buy a birthday cake to surprise daddy. Only something bad happen (... Anyone care to guess what??) DADDY GETS GUNNED DOWN IN A DRIVE BY SHOOTING! HOLY CRAP! That came right out of left field! I WOULD HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT COMING IN A MILLION YEARS! WOW! My breath was taken! I had the reverse effect of what geeky comic book types call a "page turner" in fact, it was such a reverse effect I effectivly threw the book across the room and didn't touch it for a good two hours.. And even at that I was just poking it with a stick for a while, and then I decided I should read the rest of what may just well turn out to be a shit-tacular adventure through time with my most excellent friend Ted Theodore Logan..

They often say that first impressions are everything, and when a stories first impression is the old "character traumatized by her father --who is a cop-- getting gunned down in a drive-by, by a bunch of 'ghetto thugs'" cliché is a bad way to start. To coin a metaphore, that's like the captian of the football team going to pick up the star cheerleader for their date, and jumping to the punch and date raping her right on the doorstep while he tells the parents that he'll have her home before 10:00. What I'm trying to say is that the opening sequence was so over the top it was rediculious and unbelievable.

From here, I'll give you a plot run down then I'll prociede to bash the rest of the story, so here we go!

So our main character, who is named Kiden (Or Kid if you perfer) who is now sixteen years old. She likes to do E and dance all night at raves. She has the typical apprehension towards any sort of authority and does not get along with her siblings. It's implied that she may be a lesbian with her friend Kara, but nothing is flat out said. Again "imply" is the magic word. Kid's brother implies he has a mad on for his sisters friend Kara. Kara steals some cigarettes from the corner store, goes to school, picks a fight with a homey-G ghetto type and rips out his earring. She gets sent to the councelor and then goes to class. Kara is scared that the psudeo-thug is going to get his bitches to kill them. Fight breaks out in the hallway, and.. You ready for it? You ready? MAN THIS IS GOING TO BLOW YOU AWAY!! OMG! OMG! OMG! Kid turns out to be a mutant who can freeze time!! WOWEY-WOW-WOW-WOW! Then she accidentally breaks homey's arm with her finger! THEN THEN THEY SAY TO BE CONTINUED! HOLY SHIT MAN! I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT ISSUE!

Okay, now onto my criticisms:

1.) Okay, obviously this is a sad attempt to merge the ideas of Marvel/Epics title "Trouble" With something X-Men related. I should have figured that they'd throw in the letter X and all the taboos that come with it into this title just by looking at the X on the cover. Remember kids, never trust a Marvel title with the word X in it. Because it's all trite bullshit, that are ejaculatory tributes to the writings of Chris Claremont if they aren't already written by him.

2.) A very cliché flashback scene where we find out how our main character lo-and-behold instantly gets a front row seat to how her family becomes broken and disfunctional. Personally, it's a flare too dramatic, it's also a bit much, and considering the pace of the rest of the story, it's like what would happen if you had really bad explosive diereah and then suddenly you're constipated right when you're about ready to spray out the next lethal load.

3.) The first post-flashback scene is our main character on the toilet with her hand conveniently over her crotch, contemplating taking some E. This is a constant thing in this story, all these little psudo-pedophelic/hentai type art. Multiple panty shots, skimpy clothes. An over emphasized panel showing a rubber ball hitting a girl in the tit, girl being slapped, cat fight, girl peeing herself on the floor... etc. etc. All I've got to say is that Joe Quesada must be really fucking deprived of a sex life if he has to resort to this.. Or maybe he's implying that since I read comic books, I never get laid, so I'll buy into cheap psudo-softcore hentai with no nudity disguised as a Marvel Mature title to fill that apparent gap in my life. You know you can write a good story and have people enjoy it without drawing so many fucking panty shots, trust me, if your readers are buying your comic only because your female lead is "hot" or because there is all this psudo-henti shit in it, then you're not going to stay afloat keeping the story alive. I read comics for a good story not badly drawn anime panties.

4.) Stereo-type city! In the first two pages alone, it's implied that everyone who is part of the Raver counter-culture does E and dances all night with little to no responsibility of their everyday lives. That's like saying all Goths say their hundreds of years old, are real vampires and drink blood (But we all know they're really 15, the fangs are held in place with Poly-Dent, and the "blood" in question is just red wine they stole from mom's liquor cabinet.)

5.) The parental disobedience, lack of respect for authority, sibling and school mate rivalry thing has been beaten to death. It's not fresh. It's not new. It's rehashed bull.

6.) Way to address the issues of our public schools by having the artist draw our characters getting into constant scraps in the hallways, carrying switch blades and there being metal detectors in the hallway (Which apparently don't work too well since one kid manages to carry a switch blade around.)

7.) Hey a reference to Charles Xavier.. Definantly an X book now.

8.) One shitty fucking climax.

Good points:

1.) At least the character sees other wannabe's as stupid, idiotic people who follow a scene because it's the cool thing to do. Unfortuantely it seems that our main character suffers from this same affliction and is completely oblivious to it. (See my mention of stereo-typing in this story)

2.) She rips the ear-ring off some "ghetto thug" , then breaks his arm, that's okay in my books.

3.) .... Um...... The scene where Ultra Magnus drops all his armor and tackles Shockwave alone was pretty fucking.. Wait.. Wrong comic.. Sorry seems I got bored and started reading one of my cooler comics again.

NYX #1: Major fucking disappointment.

Joe Quasada I'm ashamed of you.

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