The Plot: Lois Lane is approached on the street by a playwrite that believes that she would be perfect for a role in his upcoming play (you know, this sounds similar to the plot to the Ed Wood film The Sinister Urge, which sorta started filming in 1958... but I digress) The role is of a working class woman who ends up falling in love and wedding a rich man (a role, apprently Lois Lane has had some experience in herself although she's always failed) however the producer can't believe her to be a working girl becacuse of her soft hands and the audience apparently would be able to scrutinize her believability factor based on the softness of her hands (what, did they not have Palm Olive in 1958?) so they demand that she get a hard working (read: real) job.

The Delima: Well, Lois does get a job to callos her hands, and so she gets a job as a pretzel bender... No that's not a sexy metaphore, I mean that literally. Yes, they actually had people manually bend pretzels back then. It

was a primitive time... Getting back on track, the foreman at the pretzel factory doesn't like this at all because he's trying to get his wife a job there, but because they hired Lois Lane -- so that she can work a few days to get an acting role -- somebody who actually needs the job goes without, and so the guy tries to get Lois fired.

The Execution: So Lois gets some help from Superman who helps her avoid getting fired due to the foreman's meddling in her work, and helps her come up with innovative and more efficient ways to make pretzels better, all of which Lois takes all the credit for. After two weeks on the job, she quits and then makes an appearance on a game show where people have "unusual jobs" and the contestants have to guess.

How Lois Shoots Herself in the Foot: So she goes on the game show, and everyone things that she's an artist or a teacher and whatever, until the times up and she tells a national audience that she's a pretzel bender. This apparently is the height of comedy in 1958, in fact it's probably the 1958 equivilant to "I'm Rick James Bitch" because people are still laughing about it on the streets days later. This in the end ruins Lois' chance at the acting job because it's for a serious role and now nobody will take her seriously know that she's known as "The Pretzel Bender Lady"

A Little Recap: So Lois Lane is offered an acting job, but in order to get it she has to do a real job for two weeks, she takes a job that could be filled by somebody who actually wants to work it for a living, not for some bullshit theater show, gets her super boyfriend to help her out, takes all the credit, then smugly appears on a

game show because apparently attractive people don't bend pretzels for a living, then she doesn't even get the acting job because she type casted herself on TV? And then she gets all upset because she can't act? What about that woman she forced into unemployment for two weeks, or that foreman she made look like an idiot, or the game show contestants who probably walked away with nothing more but the fucking home game as a consolation prize, or even worse the theater wasted their time on her when they could have hired somebody more qualified to being with!

Nurse Em's Prognosis:"Again, there's nothing mental here." Says Em "Unless plagiarism can be used for taking credit for the physical work. But that's still not a mental thing." I'm inclined to agree, it just looks like Lois is taking a page from Jimmy Olson here and being a life wrecking idiot. However, I can't help but think there's a bit of narcacissm creeping up when she's taking credit for all the ideas that Superman comes up with for her.

The Plot: While doing a report on a western themed town called Dude City, which forces everyone to adhiere to wild west stereotypes, Lois Lane is hit on the head with a rock and begins to think that she's Anne Oakley. In order to snap her out of it, Clark pretends to be Jesse James, oh and there's mobsters involved in this one but that hardly matters.

Does This Really Happen in Real Life?: I mean come on, who gets bonked on the head and then thinks they're a historical figure? Honest, I think there's something a little more wrong with Lois if a knock on the noggin makes he believe she's Anne Oakley. I've seen people on the street who think they're Jesus, and I can tell you that they're suffering from more than just a blow to the skull.

Nurse Em's Prognosis: Em figures this is a combination of amnesia and schizophrenia. If we were to factor in amnesia (which really would be at best

The Plot: When Superman is asked to type up a fashion article that's locked in a filing cabinet, Lois believes what Superman is writing is his own opinion. That being that the best way to win over the man you love and get him to marry you is to have a large collection of costumes (I think I found the root of roleplaying as a sexual fetish in the 20th century right here) Lois then tries to appear in locations that Superman is scheduled to make a visit and try to wow him with different costumes.

If At First You Don't Succeed: Well first she tries a hula outfit on a movie set and ends up having to hide out in an igloo until her teeth chattering alerts the film crew who kick her out for trespassing. When dressing up in traditional "t'ing dynasty" clothing for a Chinese celebration, Lois' attempt to woo Superman is ruined by the tradition of putting a "devil head" on a woman who wears traditional clothing (Because according to the very white writers of this story Chinese people view woman as devils apparently) Dressing up in

The Payoff (Sorta...): Superman finally fucking notices that Lois is dressed up, but he thinks she's doing something good for everyone (instead of serving her own self interest of getting into those bright red briefs) he tells her that he'd owe her a favor. However, she's lost her voice and Superman thinks she's annoyed for thinking she'd expect a reward for doing something nice and so Superman flies off before Lois can say anything edge wise.

Nurse Em's Prognosis: Nurse Em suggests this is yet another example of Hysteronic Personality Disorder, and I'm inclined to agree. Pretty straight forward. Another interesting thing to point out is after the Chinese celebrators apologize for putting a devil head on her she says "You can't be half as sorry as I am!" which suggests some self esteem issues.

The Plot: After witnessing a murder, Lois is later bombarded by a scientific ray which makes her 200 lbs. This upsets her because she's never going to win Superman's heart if she's fat. Apparently nobody except for her friends at the Daily Planet recognize her, and so she's safe from the murderer but she's embarassed to be recognized by Superman.

Oh Cruel World!: Everybody seems to make it a point to make jabs at Lois' weight, from the dress shop owner that tells her the dress makes her look 20 lbs lighter, to Superman telling her he's used to carrying Lois Lane around and that this fat woman is weight enough for two Lois Lanes. So she ends up trying to crash diet and exercise like crazy to get all the weight off in order to look good for a wedding that Superman is also attending. This backfires when Lois is forced to expose herself when her special bracelet (given to her by Superman) detects Kryptonite in the wedding ring. With her identity revealed to Superman, she also ends up catching the boquette.

In Retrospect: Because she had an extra 100 lbs added to her, apparently she became unattractive, able to break cars by sitting in them, couldn't get the weight off, addicted to chocolate, and was the fat woman who always ends up making a scene at a wedding. Then after she finds out it was all a plot to catch a crook, she goes out on an eating binge before her fatness wears off.

Nurse Em's Prognosis: Once again, Nurse Em suggests that this is probably low-self estieme which is brough on by an number of things. I figure there must be some sort of eating disorder in there, what with her binge eating and sudden desire to exercise right after. I'd like to offer up Binge Eating Disorder. Because Lois keeps on eating when she's not hungry, feels disgusted depressed and guilty after eating so damn much, and is physically uncomfortable. Granted she got fat from a scientific ray, but she began to exhibit all the symptoms after she was made fat.

The Plot: While doing a report on the US Army, Clark Kent and Lois Lane and to make it seem more authentic, the temporarily enlist in the army for a month. However, while Clark becomes a normal grunt, Lois is automatically promoted to the role of Leutenant.

What's the Problem With This: Well, once Lois has been made a Leutenant, she goes on a huge power trip, ordering people around and makes her troops march in the sun and totally fucks up a dance for them. Screams about people not following regulations and being an over all power tripping bitch. Granted at the end it was all an act to catch a spy posing as a respected military officer, but still, Lois couldn't you have left all our balls intact to catch the guy?

Nurse Em's Prognosis: Again OCD comes to the foray what with her obsession over following the rule books, however her strict orders and power tripping can only be attributed to tyranny. Which leaves one to wonder just how fucked up Lois Lane is when she's given a leutenant's job she power trips, could you imagine this woman in a position of real power? Lois Lane is a power-man lunatic!

Unfortunately the only thing thing that Nurse Em can suggest to deal with this current permutation of Lois Lane's mental illness is social uprising. I picture a day when the kids can be united and rise up against their oppressors and sing poetry and sing songs about love and peace, and smashing down the fascists!

And with luck, Lois Lane will do what any good dictator does when it's opposition is about to defeat them, and kill herself. It's the least she can do for putting us all through this crap on a daily basis.