The Setup: Lois Lane appears on a quiz show, where she is able to win the grand prize by answering all the questions in the "Superman" category. What does she win? Why a new cottage in the suburbs which she can only obtain if she can get the man she loves to marry her in ten whole days.

The Delima: We all know how fucking psycho in love Lois Lane is over Superman. When the only man she can love is apparently him, she wonders how she can trick him into marrying her. Because fuck being mutually in love, or having matching personalities, or fucking compatability when it comes to marrage. No way folks, according to Lois Lane, the best way to get a guy to marry you is to trick him into it.

The Plot: At the advice of her friend Millie, she suggests doing what she did to trick her husband into marrying her: Pretend to be married to somebody else, said desirable mate would get so jealous and expose their true feelings, when you finally reveal that you've been fucking with their head they'll still gladly marry you.

The Execution: Coincidences in the DC Comics universe are about as common as shit stains in a truck stop bathroom, so it's no surprise that

while she's hatching this scheme, Lois runs into a "handsome" guy named Tony Lester who she wrote an article about before. She manages to talk him into pretending to be her happily wedded cock-block so that Superman gets jealous enough to ask Lois to marry him.

How it Backfires: When ol' Tom finds out that Lois has been playing him for a dupe and that she's really just doing the song-and-flowers bit so she can force Superman to express himself, Tom probably wisely realizes

there is nothing worse than meeting the ire of a guy who could punch you into the sun, so he tells Superman about Lois' trick and the two pretend to have a fight in her house, effectivly trashing it. When Lois is wondered that Superman is fighting over her, Superman instead tells her that he and Tom were practicing for a new television role for Tom and fly off, leaving Lois with nothing but a trashed house.

Nurse Em's Prognosis: Schizotypal Personality Disorder - Which our fine friends at Wikipedia tout as a personality disorder which that is characterized by the need for social isolation, odd behavior, and thinking and often unconventional beliefes. On the subject of unconventional beliefes we hit the head of the nail with the hammer with this little stunt. Of the nine most common diagnostic critera for SPD is "Odd beliefes or magical thinking that influences behavior and is inconsistent with subcultural norms." I believe tricking somebody into marrying you falls under that category.

Tell Me, Does This Sound Like a Good Idea?: You're an archeologist digging around in Superman's old home town of Smallville and you come across a box from Krypton, and what do you do when you find it? You mail it to the reporter who has all the journalistic objectivity of irritated colon.

So What's in the Box?: That funny planet Krypton, even though it was blown to fucking smitherines decades earlier all sorts of shit ended up all over the universe, and mostly on Earth. Most of it was Kryptonite (back in the old days you could hardly go three steps without stubbing your toe on the shit) but there were all sorts of gadgets and items too, which apparently according to your average Kryptonian wasn't all that spectacular, but in the hands of a human could horribly destroy all of humanity. Okay, so what the fuck is in the box already? Well items that mimic Superman's abilities: glasses that shoot x-ray vision, a cape that allows for flight, and gloves that give super strength.

How It All Backfires (Sort of...): In order to stop Lois from fucking around with these super powers (I mean come on, would you really trust that sort of power to a woman who's major hobby is sobbing over a guy in blue leotards?) is by tricking her into saving Superman from a Kryptonite meteor (but it's really a dummy) so that the Kryptonite rays de-power the items that Lois is wearing. Although she's been stripped of her powers, the dense bitch still writes a headline article about how she saved Superman.

Nurse Em's Prognosis: Histrionic Personality Disorder - Which is another is a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness... Or at least that's what Wikipedia wants us to believe. Which include the following symptoms: Constant seeking of reassurance or approval (check!) A need to be the center of attention (check!) and making rash decisions (BIG FUCKING CHECK!)

The Setup: Lois Lane wants to get an exclusive interview with the ambassador of Rutavia, who is such a stuck up asshole, he refuses to talk to the press. When Lois learns that French film star Lois La Flamme is skipping out on the party to ride a bicycle (because she's FRENCH) Lois decides to diguise herself as La Flamme to nab that exclusive.

The Plot: Well it starts up simple enough, how can a pompious American control freak disguise herself as a sultry French film goddess? Well apparently all it involves is buying a poodle (don't forget to name it Fifi), put on a wig, paint huge eyebrows on your head, wear a fancy outfit, and come up with the worst fake French accent since Peppy LePew. Eef you talk wiz ze peepole lahk zees ze weel natchoorahlee tink youz are French. Some how everybody is convinced that Lois Lane is really Lois La Flamme.

Nurse Em's Prognosis: Stupidity - Nurse Em had to say this about this situation: "The thing with the dressing up like the French girl isn't really a disorder or anything. It's actually just really stupid." That being said, I wasn't convinced and I was sure that there was a specific mental disorder that makes you think your a French stereotype. Unfortunatly, the best Wikipedia could find for me was a link to ethniticity of proformers in pornography (Go ahead an do a search for "French stereotypes" on Wikipedia, it's the 2nd link) which while mildly arousing, wasn't what I was looking for.

After fruitless hours of trying to find something, I had to come to the terms that our plucky little Ukranian Nurse goddess had originally said, dressing up in a wig, buying a poodle and talking in a bad french accent is nothing more than fucking stupid.