Fucking Comics: The Avengers VS The Justice LeagueAvengers #32-33:The Cast:The first thing you should probably know about this about the characters so you know who the hell I'm talking about, so let's take a look at the major characters in these issues of the Avengers....
Back Story:Before we even get into these two issues you're going to have to get up to speed as to what's going on in the Avengers. Thankfully for you, you have a smug asshole like me to explain it all to you in ways that are at least mildly entertaining. So get this: Not too long ago, the original Avengers said "Hey, when the fuck do we get a vacation?" and decided to jump ship and find replacements to take over in their absence. Leaving Cap behind to do the dirty work they pick up three former criminals: Hawkeye (with his love sick Black Widow in tow who works with the Avengers unofficially on occasion), and the former mutant terrorists Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver. After a few battles and a lot of in fighting, former members Giant-Man (now Goliath) and Wasp rejoin the team because their stories in Tales of Astonish were shit canned because people in the 60's probably finally realized that they sucked. Also Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch briefly left the team because they believed their mutant powers to be fading and a return to their homeland of Tranzia to restore them. The last few issues had them warlord fishmen from under the sea, and pissed off Aztecs trying to gain immortality, which brings us to where we are at this point, so click on the next link and I'll talk at length about what happens in these issues and give my two cents... |
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Captain America: Steve Rogers was a scrawny puss that wanted nothing more than to get shot at by Nazi's for his country during World War 2, but was rejected because he was such a scrawny little weakling (which wouldn't stop recruiters in today's army, they don't discriminate when they send soldiers off to Iraq to come back in pine boxes, the scrawnier you are the cheaper the shipping costs are I guess.) He then signed up for an experiment that enhanced his physique to physical perfection and became Captain America, and fought the Nazi's with a nubile teen side kick named Bucky. In his last battle his sidekick is killed and he found his ass landed in icy waters that put him in suspended animation for decades until he was thawed out in modern times and became a member of the Avengers.
Hawkeye: Hawkeye is really good at bow and arrows. That's his power. In fact he was more or less created to compete with DC Comics Green Arrow character. This character got his start wanting to be a costumed hero ended up falling in love for a female Communist Russian spy, and going up against Iron Man. How a guy with a bow and arrow fighting a guy with high tech armor didn't end up a burned pile of carrion after one battle is beyond me. At any rate, Hawkeye decides later that he wants to go legit and joins the Avengers.
Goliath: Formally known as Ant-Man and Giant-Man, this guy goes through plenty of costume and name changes (although not as much as his fiance) his power was the ability to change size. However he used it way too much and the strain on his body has him stuck at the height of 12' tall. Which apparently is torture to him, well I'm sure his woman feels a lot more pain from his condition than he does (if you don't get it I implied that it turns when they fuck.)
The Wasp: Goliath's fiance, who allowed him to fuck around with her DNA and insert Wasp genetic material and allow her to shrink and grow anteni and wings. She has bio stings, is a rich socialite flake and a ditzy girl who is as good at getting capture as she is bad at fighting crime.
Black Widow: Not a member of the Avengers, but she's hanging around because she's in love with Hawkeye. She used to be a Communist spies, but after tasting the sweet love of American Democracy has turned on her former employers and defected. For a Russian spy she isn't very inconspicuous what with the fact that she wears a mask, fish net stockings and a cape. But I guess she makes up for it because she can cling to walls, and has "widows sting" bracelets she can use to stun her foes.
Bill Foster: One of the first black characters inserted into a Marvel comic book to add cultural diversity into their series, other than the racist portrayal of Asian characters that originate from Communist countries. Bill is Goliath's research assistant, and his inclusion to the plot is a flimsy plot device to get the Avengers involved in fighting a racially motivated group of super villains... Speaking of which...
The Sons of the Serpent: Are a racist group that hates "foreigners" that come to the United States. Apparently the idea that everybody, even the Native People were at some point "foreigners" to the land, is lost on them. To put it simple, they just hate people who aren't white and the writers putting the word "foreigner" is a way of skirting from all the racist language these characters would use if they were a real life organization. Speaking of which, I'd like to say that most racist organizations would have a little more dignity than to dress up like snakes and have snake themed weapons and devices, but then I remember that the KKK dress up like ghosts and call themselves "Grand Cyclops" and other non-sense, so maybe that's not too much of a stretch. Anyway, these guys always have a shocking twist to their leader, so stick around to the end of my review to find out who is leading them!