Tales of Suspense #40:

Iron Man's second tale starts off with a peak into Tony Stark's personal life. Since he was a millionaire playboy who loved live it rich and partying with the most rich and beautiful, he of course resumes this life style. Of course now ol' Tony has to drop his dates at the crucial moment when most normal millionaires would take their brainless date home and subject them to whatever depraved sexual gratification they require. This is because Tony of course has a giant cumbersome pace maker built right into his chest. He says he can't get close to a woman because he is living on borrowed time, but come on, you know the other reason is that he's not going to get laid with an iron chest plate either. That's a built in cock-block right there.

While out on another date, he has to change into Iron Man to save some people

from a bunch of leopards that get loose, and people are frightened right the fuck out by Iron Man's giant gray armor. Later when listening to what his date had to say about the "mysterious" Iron Man (Because you know, a hero has to keep his identity secret.) Saying that his big gray body frightens people, and suggests a change in color. Of course he goes back home and sprays his armor with gold paint so that he looks more like a gallant knight.

Wait. What? So the key for people to accept the fact that when your not moonlighting as a playboy you're trudging around in a metal suit of armor beating the crap out of things is to change the armors paint job? Apparently so.

Anyway, as the story progresses, the girl that Stark is having his little fling with goes off to the town of Granville, and when he goes to pick her up at the airport a week later, he finds out that the town has walled itself in and aren't allowing anybody in or out of the city.

So let me get this straight: Out of the blue and with no warning, an entire town builds a wall around itself, and not

allows anybody in and nobody, not the police, not the FBI, not the National Guard, not the government, nobody is interested in figuring out what's going on?

Well Iron Man goes in to investigate, and ends up in a pitched battle with a prehistoric caveman named Gargantus, that has taken over the town. Some how this prehistoric cave man is super smart and is able to hypnotize the people of Granville into doing his bidding as Iron Man soon finds out.

While battling this new foe, Iron Man uses a number of magnets on him and soon realizes that he's not fighting a caveman, but really a robot (Gee, what was your first clue?) and was being controlled by an alien ship that is hovering nearby (How'd people miss THAT?)

With Gargantus defeated, the aliens (who you may remember I bitched about in my lame villains rant) are then forced to retreat, when they realize that the human race has changed since the last time they traveled to Earth: Millions of years ago.

You know for a highly advanced alien race these guys are pretty fucking stupid. They can build space ships and robots, yet they cannot build a ship that can travel light years, or do they understand the basic principals of evolution? That's pretty embarrassing.

For our next look back, let's skip ahead a few issues.....