How To Insult Comic Book Readers in 8 Pages or Less!
 The Green Lantern in "Guilty!"
The Breakdown:
Shamefully brought to you by: James Owsely and Tod Smith!
Presented in a whopping 8 Pages of heart pounding action!
What's the story (morning glory?): Hal Jordon has been spending night after night lamenting like a sissy about how he ruined his friend John Stewart (not the guy from The Daily Show) and his extra-terrestrial girlfriend leaves the blinds open and watches day time talk shows. Hal decides the best thing to do is go out for a "walk" which pretty much is a heroes way of showing off his abilities by flying around the world while lamenting about their current personal crisises. He soon finds himself saving a woman and her baby in a middle east city that's going through a war. The woman slaps GL in the face and accuses him of being a murderer. Green Lantern returns home and books himself on Oprah to tell the world that he isn't a murderer.
 Padding: Half the story (or lack there of) is mostly a recap of whatever story arc was going on at that time, we get some uninspiring "flying around the world" panels while GL thinks about all his woes. Accounting for the compulsory rehash of his powers, and the GL oath, there is not much left for any actaul story here. It takes three panels to show GL creates two walls to separate the fighting armies from the woman and the baby.
Stupid Factor: First of all, Green Lantern going on Oprah to try and convince the world that he isn't a murderer? I don't think that's going to get you any credibility. Secondly, how would a woman in the war torn middle east be able to read about GL being a murderer let alone being educated enough to read?
That was supposed to be funny?: GL puts out Oprah's booking agents cigar over the phone! YUK! YUK! YUK! And there's a romantic scene where Hal and his alien girlfriend talk about loving each other and he goes "Okay. Let's discuss those blinds!" Oh-ho-ho, there's a plot thread I thought they'd never get around to resolving!
 Deadman in "Escape From Hell Chapter 7"
The Breakdown:
Shamefully brought to you by: Mike Baron and Dan Jurgens!
Presented in a whopping 8 Pages of mind numbing excitement!
What's the story: Deadman and D.B. Cooper are trying to escape from hell (Because they're dead, get it?) but to do so they have to climb a big mountain and get past the old man in the cave. There's some repetitive fight scenes and some real brain busting subversion that is meant to trick our dimwitted and dead hero until he meets the real old man in the cave who really wants to help him escape from Hell
Padding: There are two fight scenes in which Deadman fights D.B. Cooper who apparently is really his sansei in disguise, and then a bellhop that looks like his sansei that is supposed to be the old man in the cave. The panels are almost identical, with minor alterations to the clothing of the character Deadman is fighting.
Stupid Factor: Deadman is almost tricked into drinking what he thinks is a pitcher of Kool-Aid, which turns out to be a monster (cleverly) called a face-ripper.. Which looks like a pitcher of Kool-Aid with wings. The long and drawn out conversation between Deadman and the supposed old man in the cave, is just ridiculously stupid.. Well read it for yourself.
That was supposed to be funny?: I mentioned the Kool-Aid thing right?
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